IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
ACCORDING TO SOME PEOPLE JUVENILES WHO PERPETRATE SEROUS OFFENCES SHOULD RECEIVE THE SAME PUNISHMENT THAT ADULT GETS FOR SIMILAR CRIMES. I FULLY AGREE WITH
VIEW
Correct article usage
THE VIEW
show examples
 OWING TO MY STRONG CONVICTION THAT A
CRIME
Use synonyms
 IS A
CRIME
Use synonyms
 REGARDLESS OF WHETHER IT IS COMMITED BY A TEENAGER OR ANN ADULT.
TO BEGIN
Linking Words
 WITH, A HEINOUS
CRIME
Use synonyms
 IS OFTEN A PREMEDITATED
CRIME
Use synonyms
.
IN OTHER WORDS
Linking Words
, IT NEEDS CAREFUL AND CUNNING PLANNING BEFORE ITS EXECUTION.
THEREFORE
Linking Words
, IF A TEENAGER IS ABLE TO SUCCESSFULLY ORCHESTRATE GRAVE
MALFEASANCE
Change the noun form
MALFEASANCES
show examples
,
SUCH
Linking Words
 AS RAPE OR MURDER, IT IS SAFE TO ASSUME THAT THEY POSSESS THE SAME LEVEL OF MENTAL MATURITY AS ADULTS. LETTING THEM OFF SIMPLY BECAUSE OF THEIR AGE WOULD SEND A WRONG MESSAGE TO THE SOCIETY AND MIGHT ONLY ENCOURAGE YOUNG INDIVIDUALS TO COMMIT CRIMINALITY.
SECONDLY
Linking Words
, IF A HARSH SANCTION PROPORTIONATE TO THE GRAVITY OF
CRIME
Use synonyms
COMITTED
Correct your spelling
COMMITTED
 REGARDLESS OF THEIR AGE BRACKET IS IMPOSED, IT WOULD DETER MANY POTENTIAL OFFENDERS FROM TAKING THE SAME PATH.
BY CONTRAST
Linking Words
, IF A LIGHTER SANCTION AWAITS FOR THE YOUNG PERPETRATORS ALBEIT THE SEVERITY OF
CRIME
Use synonyms
 MADE, JUVENILE DELINQUENCY RATE IS EXPECTED TO SHOOT UP.
THIS
Linking Words
 CASE IS TRUE IN THE PHILIPPINES WHERE AN INCREASING NUMBER OF YOUTH-COMMITTED CRIMES IS SEEN
AS A RESULT
Linking Words
 OF LENIENCY TOWARDS JUVENILE CRIMINALITY. TO RECAPITULATE, A CRIMINAL MIND IS COMPLEX AND BEYOND THE COMPREHENSION OF AN INNOCENT YOUNG INDIVIDUALS.
THEREFORE
Linking Words
, I REITERATE THAT A TEENAGER SHOULD NOT BE ACCORDED WITH LIGHTER SANCTION SIMPLE FOR BEING A MINOR BEFORE THE LAW.
INSTEAD
Linking Words
, A LAW SHOULD BE
INACTED
Correct your spelling
ENACTED
 PROPORTINALLY TO THE GRAVITY OF
CRIME
Use synonyms
 EXECUTED AND SHOULD NOT AGE-BASED.
Submitted by titanesh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: