Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Arts can be considered as one of the economic and social tools for governments. It is accepted by some people that states spend
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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money on
art
, but I disagree with
this
opinion for several reasons. Governments make the cities of the country be more gorgeous with the help of
art
. These cities will be able to attract tourists.
For instance
, in the Vatican, there are a lot of beautiful examples of paintings drawn by famous Renaissance time’s artists
such
as Michelangelo who decorates the ceilings of chapels.
Also
, there are many architectural arts
such
as Piazza San Pietro that are
built in
Add a hyphen
built-in

It appears that built in is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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Barocco style and monuments
such
as David sculpture. The appearance of the city causes the interest of many foreigners.
This
is obvious that tourism is one of the sources of revenue for the governmental budget. It is an ideal way to form the budgets of small city-states like the Vatican.
On the other hand
,
art
has cultural and educational impacts on society. It contributes to
all-round
Correct your spelling
all-around

The word all-round doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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education and nurtures the creativity of the population.
For example
, through national dances, performing vernacular works on stage, illustrating patterns on special things
such
as carpet or national clothes, people can demonstrate their culture and can keep them for passing to future generations.
Besides
, one who engages in creating
art
, commonly, he or
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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is more creative. It can be seen in street artists who paint walls of buildings or ways with magnificent illustrations, or we can find the same creativity in the museum of Modern Arts. In brief,
art
is a necessary way to flourish the economy of a country through tourism and to improve the worldview of people. We should not underestimate the role of
art
on the way to development.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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