It Is Sometimes Said That People Should Be Encouraged To Get Married Before They Turn 30

Some people believe that humans should be supported to get married before 30 because it is mutually beneficial to society in general and to the persons themselves.
However
,
this
essay disagrees with
such
point of view and,
firstly
, provides divorce rates among modern couples and
then
explains that the improved medicine refuses
such
a limitation as childbirth only before 30.
First
, until
recent
Replace the word
recently

The word recent doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, in Russia, it used to be almost mandatory to get married shortly after graduation. A lot of the youth followed
this
rule.
However
, after the
first
3 years of living together, 7 out of 10 couples got divorced because of their different outlooks and purposes for
further
life.
Such
high
Correct article usage
a high

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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number of divorces can not be of advantage either to society or individuals. Because of the increased number of broken couples, it will be required from the government
to
Fix the infinitive
apply

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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spend extra money on allowances to support single-parent families.
Second
, with the development of medicine, getting married and
to bear
Change the verb form
bearing

To bear doesn’t seem to work here.

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children before 30 is not actual anymore. It is already an average case when children are born by women over 35. The majority of persons over 30 have good jobs and financial stability. Because of their social maturity, they have realistic and serious plans for the future.
Therefore
,
instead
of stimulating young humans to rush to get married,
public
Add an article
the public

The noun phrase public seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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should concentrate more on the people’s education and bringing up members of a better generation with deep respect to the cult of family. In conclusion,
this
essay disagrees with the idea that encouraging people to get married before 30 will create any advantages and,
moreover
, supports the opposite idea of getting married in humans’
Change the article
the mid

It appears that the article usage before mid 30s is incorrect. Consider making a change.

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mid 30s
Add a hyphen
mid-30s

It appears that mid 30s is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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