Some people believe that it is the government’s responsibility to provide care and finance to support people after they retire. Others, however, think that individuals themselves should save money in their own when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion. > DISCUSS AND OPINION

There is a strong
believe
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belief

The word believe doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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that the government ought to look after and support people while they retired.
However
, not everybody
share
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shares

It appears that the indefinite pronoun everybody does not agree with the verb share in your sentence. Consider changing the form of the verb.

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the same point of view and they assume that every single person is responsible for
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
his own
her own

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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future
. In my opinion, both groups have right,
nevertheless
, the authority should support own citizens especially after they hardly earned the
future
pension.
Firstly
, every single country has set the length of work time, which can give a right to get the
minimal
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minimum

The word minimal doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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pension.
Average
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The average

The noun phrase Average person seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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person works much longer than that, to get
higher
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a higher

The noun phrase higher amount seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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amount of
money
, which will let them afford
level
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the level
a level

The noun phrase level seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of life they used to it.
Moreover
, it would be unfair when the government could not pay back or support them when they get old. It is their responsibility to save some part of
money
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the money

The noun phrase money seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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to be able
offer
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to offer

It appears that the verb offer should be in the to-infinitive form. Consider adding the word to.

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them to the older population.
On the other hand
, the opponents
claims
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claim

The singular verb claims does not appear to agree with the plural subject opponents. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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that every individual
need
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needs

The plural verb need does not appear to agree with the singular subject every individual. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to save
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
his own
her own

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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money
on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a separate bank account for
future
Correct article usage
the future

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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.
In addition
, they do not have any trust in the
further
authority plans and advise to have a backup plan. I will probably listen to them because we do not know what may happen in the
next
decade. Surprisingly, saving just 10% of our monthly wage can give a boost of
money
available on our retirement. To sum up, I believe we should have trust in the country where we live and politics,
however
, can not boycott people who are afraid of their
future
. The current situation is extremely unstable and
noone
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no one
no-one

The word noone is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

is able to predict and ensure the public about something
what
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that

The combination of the words something what seems to be incorrect. Consider changing it to something that.

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will be ready for them,
for instance
, in 40 years period of time.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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