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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is the government’s responsibility to provide care and finance to support people after they retire. Others, however, think that individuals themselves should save money in their own when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion. > DISCUSS AND OPINION

#people #government’s #responsibility #care #finance #support #individuals #money
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There is a strong belief that the government ought to look after and support people while they retired.
However
, not everybody shares the same point of view and they assume that every single person is responsible for their future. In my opinion, both groups have right,
nevertheless
, the authority should support own citizens especially after they hardly earned the future pension.
Firstly
, every single country has set the length of work time, which can give a right to get the minimum pension. The average person works much longer than that, to get a higher amount of
money
, which will let them afford the level of life they used to it.
Moreover
, it would be unfair when the government could not pay back or support them when they get old. It is their responsibility to save some part of the
money
 to be able
offer
Add the particle
to offer
show examples
 them to the older population.
Intrestingly
Correct your spelling
Interestingly
, the authority should have a separate budget, which should never
be spend
Change the verb form
be spent
show examples
 on other things.
On the other hand
, the opponents claim that every individual needs to save their
money
 on a separate bank account for the perspective.
In addition
, they do not have any trust in the
further
 authority plans and advise to have a backup plan. I will probably listen to them because we do not know what may happen in the
next
 decade. Surprisingly, saving just 10% of our monthly wage can give a boost of
money
 available on our retirement. To sum up, I believe we should have trust in the country where we live and politics,
however
, can not boycott people who are afraid of their future. The current situation is extremely unstable and no one is able to predict and ensure the public about
somethingw
Correct your spelling
something
 that will be ready for them,
for instance
, in 40 years period of time.
Submitted by meforqq on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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