The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other solutions can you suggest?

Nowadays, obesity has become
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
a major problem for
children
and some people may reckon that if we consider substantial amounts of time to
exercise
, it can be a viable solution.
However
, being plump can lead
serious
Change preposition
to serious

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
health
problems
to
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
young people;
therefore
, we must search for the best solutions. In the modern era, unfortunately, there are numerous overweight
children
all over the world who suffer from obesity and
this
issue exposes them to several
health
problems
such
as high blood pressure, heart failure, diabetes and etcetera. According to the statistics,
modern
Correct article usage
the modern

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
lifestyle has caused a sharp rise in the number of obese people especially
children
and young individuals on account of wrong habits like consuming fast food in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun quantities in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

show examples
large quantities
instead
of cooking at home. What is the suitable approach to dealing with
this
problem? In my opinion, we can purpose two fundamental approaches to manage
this
problem: the
first
is revising diet and the
second
one is doing
exercise
.
Health
experts should provide an appropriate schedule to schools and parents;
thus
, we can keep the weight of our
children
under control and consider suitable measures for their
health
. I believe that
exercise
will not be effective but with an appropriate diet; meanwhile, remember that these are
health
experts that determine how much time you should
spent
Change the verb form
spend

The verb spent after the modal verb should does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
on sport. In conclusion,
besides
exercise
, we should suggest a suitable diet
to
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
children
and their parents; needless to say, spending more time on
exercise
doesn’t mean
better
Add an article
a better

The noun phrase better result seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
result. Eventually, I can predict these approaches will reduce the risk of some obesity-relied disease
such
as diabetes;
in addition
, the number of obese
children
will decrease.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Try other services:

All the services are free for Premium users