IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while other believes that it is the responsibility of individuals to protect themselves. Discuss both side and give your opinion:

#people #government #crime #prevention #responsibility #individuals #side
Some
people
 reckon that individuals are responsible for protecting themselves;
on the other hand
, some others believe that the
government
 should do preventive measures to avoid committing a crime. But, which one has more importance? The role of
government
 or self-protection? In the modern era, every country has
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
 laws and its citizens must respect them and obviously the
government
 has a duty to protect law-abiding citizens.
Moreover
, before considering punishment for offenders, the
government
 must provide
people
 with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
suitable education and preventive measures;
otherwise
, the community will become
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a forest where the strength talks with no rules and
this
 advanced world that we have will be destroyed in
couple
Change the article
a couple
show examples
 of months.
Therefore
, the
government
 has a major role to fight against criminals and I reckon that it is a must for any human society that has a system for keeping lawbreakers under control.
In contrast
, there are some
people
 who think self-protection is the priority of a community for standing against crimes. In my view,
people
 must respect laws and do
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
preventive measures that the
government
 has recommended; but, the
government
 has to protect them and make society safe. Needless to say, certainly it's better for
people
 to be able to protect themselves but it is not a necessity for them. In conclusion, about dealing with offenders the
government
 has a major role;
however
,
people
 must respect laws and do their duties as a citizen. Eventually, in my opinion, the
government
 must provide safety to
people
 and should fight
versus
Change preposition
against
show examples
 crimes.
Submitted by nataly280480 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: