Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

can deny that some people believe that teenage
is the happiest
, while others prefer to think that adult days give more happiness even if there is a many
Change to a plural noun

The singular countable noun responsibility follows the quantifier many, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

show examples
. It is important to admit that both views have their own benefits. In
Add an article
an essay
the essay

The noun phrase essay seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
I will discuss the possible reasons that support each view, and what benefits they bring to society. On
hand, the option to think that the childhood days are most enjoyable for many convincing reasons. Most importantly, children do not have much responsibility to perform due to which they can enjoy their
without any tension. The perfect example to illustrate
is teenagers
Change the verb form

The plural verb do does not appear to agree with the singular subject example. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
not need to go out to earn money for their dependent
Remove the comma

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker so that. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
so that they can spend all their time on the activities which give them more pleasure like playing sports activity,
Correct your spelling
hang out

The word hangout doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
with friends and many more.
doing things of your choice without any burden is always fun.
On the other hand
, despite the above argument, other people choose to believe that
of mature people is more happening for many obvious reasons.
of the main reason is that adults are independent to take their own decision without asking for anyone's permission. The best example is that a fully grown-up guy or a girl are allowed to take their own financial and personal decisions.
, freedom of making your own choice is the happiest thing
can have. In conclusion, it seems to me that adult
gives more happiness compare to childhood days even though adults do have responsibilities as well. Because the benefits of freedom outweigh the drawbacks of the responsibility.
Submitted by chintan.jethava on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Check IELTS Writing Task 1 and Task 2 Online
After you write your essay, you will be provided with tips with examples of how to make your essay better in order to get a score above 7.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
Improve your writing score in 2 weeks
Just type your IELTS essay and receive a clear, detailed report and band score in a moment.