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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. This has more advantages or disadvantages.

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities
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Nowadays it is becoming extremely competitive to find and hold a job. People have to
work
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 long
hours
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 of
work
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 in order to be able to pay for their expenses.
Therefore
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, no
time
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 is left for one to enjoy their
life
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 and doing fun activities. In my ,opinion
this
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 has more drawbacks than benefits as it can negatively impact our mental health and the natural
purpose
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 of our
life
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.
First
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 of all, not having a
work
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 and
life
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 balance is the number reason for depression.
In other words
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, if we keep on working without having
time
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 to do what we love to do, after a while we get exhausted and depressed. According to some researches, the risk of suicide among people who are working more than 250
hours
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 a month is 20 per cent more than
work
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 the average of 160
hours
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 and that has nothing to do with the amount of money they make.
Thus
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, in order to have a normal
life
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 with normal mental health, we need to have some
time
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 off
work
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. It is sometimes hard to sometimes follow the
purpose
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 of
life
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 when we are too engaged in our
work
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 and have no
time
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 to do what we really love to do outside
work
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. by ,that I mean literally thinking for a
second
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 why we are working and what is the
purpose
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 of
life
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. Do we have to
work
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 for money or money has to
work
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 for us
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 If we do not have enough
time
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 to spend on some activities that make us happy because we are busy
then
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 when we want to really enjoy our
life
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.
Therefore
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, by looking at the
purpose
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 of our
life
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 we will realise that
life
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 is not only about
hours
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 we spend at
work
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 and it's mostly about to do we have
time
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 to enjoy ourselves. To conclude,
life
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 is too short and we need to find a good balance between our
work
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 and our joy in
life
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. If we
work
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 long
hours
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 and have no
time
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 for leisure activities, we will get depressed and lose the
purpose
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 of our being on
this
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 planet.
Submitted by armiario139 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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