IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think individuals are more and more dependent on each other. Some people think individuals are more and more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the era of freedom and democracy,
people
Use synonyms
 have different views on whether they should depend on each other.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that
people
Use synonyms
 should become independent nowadays, I believe that individuals are more and more dependent on each other There are two main reasons for some
people
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 argue that
people
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 should be independent. They believe that
students
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 who have independent thinking ability would help
students
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 learning.
This
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 means that some subjects,
such
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 as math, physics and chemistry, require
students
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 to develop problem-solving
skills
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 on their own.
As a result
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, they can gain better scores in their examination.
Also
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, it is important to acknowledge that staff need to finish their tasks independently. Without their own efforts, they would have fewer possibilities to get a promotion.
However
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, these benefits are temporary. From a long-term perspective, they may be under more pressure from school or work to compete with their peers, and the competitive environment is harmful to
people
Use synonyms
’s mental and physical health.
However
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, I agree with the view that
people
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 are increasingly dependent on each other. Group projects are common in everyday life, especially on campus.
This
Linking Words
 means that
students
Use synonyms
 need to have teamwork
skills
Use synonyms
 and communicate with each other to finish the project.
For instance
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, if
students
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 have a group project, they would have good communication to make plans step by step for each participant.
Furthermore
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, workers should cooperate with their colleagues, not only their peers but
also
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 their supervisors. It is essential to have friendly interpersonal relationships in the company.
For example
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, if a worker meets a first aid emergency, they may ask for help from colleagues.
Also
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, they would gain some advice from their supervisor when they encounter some problems that they cannot deal with by themselves. In conclusion,
while
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 independent life is beneficial for the development of
skills
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 for problem-solving and independent thinking, I believe the advantages of being dependent on each other are more important,
such
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 as developing teamwork
skills
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 and building friendly relationships to get help. Considering the points presented above, the evidence robustly
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
 my stance.

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task achievement
Your essay presents your opinion clearly and discusses both sides, which is good. However, try to add a few more details or examples to support your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas flow well, but a better linking of sentences and paragraphs would help. For instance, make sure each point follows logically from the one before it.
task achievement
You use some good examples, but they could be more detailed. Try to explain them a bit more to show how they support your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which sets a good tone for the essay.
task achievement
You included relevant examples about teamwork and independent work, which show your understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
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