IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the economic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

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However
Linking Words
, some people believe that unlimited
information
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 sharing in scientific research, business and the academic world is possible because the
information
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 will be used to create more value for society and the number of readers will not affect the cost of
data
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 collection which already occurred. I disagree with the above statement because the
information
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-gathering process and analysis require high investment. Nowadays, there are many sources of
information
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 on the website. We can easily access them without paying money. Public
information
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 is beneficial for many kinds of people
such
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 as students, investors and scientists. Those readers mostly
further
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 perform analysis and provide
data
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 insights which is more complex and useful for them. Meanwhile, the
data
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 provider doesn’t have to pay extra money to share that knowledge.
This
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 will not cause any negative impacts on the
data
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’s owner.
On the other hand
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, there is a contradicting view. The security and confidentiality of
information
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 should be considered as well. Some
information
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 may relate a sensitive content for the nation or businesses.
For example
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, the business plan of real estate developers should not be revealed before they buy the land since the price of land may increase
due to
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 the higher demand.
In addition
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, the personnel who work on those
data
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 should get paid appropriately, so they can continue doing their jobs. I agree with
this
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 view.
To sum up
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, free
information
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 sharing may be useful for readers especially students who have to develop their research.
However
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, the money should be paid to the
data
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 owner as well so they can sustainably provide that
information
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.
Moreover
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, confidential
information
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 access must be restricted to authorised persons only.
This
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 is to avoid damages that might occur. I agree that
information
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 sharing should be controlled.

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Introduction
Try to provide a clearer, more concise introduction that summarises both sides of the argument and your position to better prepare the reader for the content of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Increase the range of linking words to improve flow and cohesion between ideas and paragraphs.
Examples
Embed more specific examples in your arguments to strengthen your points and make your essay more convincing.
Development of Ideas
Consider exploring the implications of your arguments in greater depth to enrich the task response.
Logical Structure
Good use of paragraphs to structure the essay and separate different ideas.
Conclusion
Effective conclusion that summarises the essay's main points and restates your position.
Task Response
Your essay addresses the prompt comprehensively, covering both sides of the argument and providing a clear stance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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