IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some believe it is important for cities and towns to invest heavily in building large outdoor public spaces. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#believe #cities #towns #spaces
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People
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 believe that it is important to invest vastly in building large outdoor public spaces for
cities
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 and town. It is indisputable that metropolis
cities
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 are now full
with
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of
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 skyscraper buildings without
the
Correct article usage
apply
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greenery views which lead to
the
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apply
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mental health problems in many
city
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 dwellers. I believe that nature and outdoor
space
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 are important for the big
cities
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. It is a tendency to believe that many
people
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 who live in bustling
cities
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 suffer
with
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from
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 depression and
stress
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.
According to recent
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Recent
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 researches show that the percentage of
people
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 who committed suicide due to
stress
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 in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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 is rapidly increased over
in
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apply
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a decade.
For example
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, there are big numbers of Japanese who committed suicide in their workplace due to working overloaded.
Moreover
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, the metro police
city
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 tends to have
high
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a high
the high
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 cost of living, particularly in the accommodation.
Therefore
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, many
people
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 can afford to live only in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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small apartments where no good facilities enough to help them relieve their
stress
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 from work.
Hence
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, it is very important for the government to invest heavily
building
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in building
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 large outdoor public spaces for
people
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 so they can have
space
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 for
the
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apply
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leisure activities.
For instance
Linking Words
, New York
City
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 is the most bustling
city
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 in America and there are plenty of skyscrapers.
However
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, there is a huge public
park
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 call Central
park
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 which located in
downtown
Correct article usage
the downtown
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city
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.
This
Linking Words
park
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 has an astonishing view of greenery trees and
lake
Correct article usage
a lake
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 that you can see from the windows of
building
Correct article usage
the building
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 around the
park
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.
This
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 is why outdoor public
space
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 may help
city
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 dwellers to relieve their
stress
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 because
people
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 can go to
picnic
Add an article
a picnic
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 in the
park
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 and meet their friends after their work or exercise
such
Linking Words
 as jogging or running around the
park
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 during their free time. In conclusion, I strongly agree that it is important for
cities
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 and town to building large outdoor public
space
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 to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good mental health for
people
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 who live in
cities
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by noppapat_k on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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