IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some believe it is important for cities and towns to invest heavily in building large outdoor public spaces. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#believe #cities #towns #spaces
People
 believe that it is important to invest vastly in building large outdoor public spaces for
cities
 and town. It is indisputable that metropolis
cities
 are now full
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 skyscraper buildings without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greenery views which lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health problems in many
city
 dwellers. I believe that nature and outdoor
space
 are important for the big
cities
. It is a tendency to believe that many
people
 who live in bustling
cities
 suffer
with
Change the preposition
from
show examples
 depression and
stress
.
According to recent
Change preposition
Recent
show examples
 researches show that the percentage of
people
 who committed suicide due to
stress
 in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 is rapidly increased over
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a decade.
For example
, there are big numbers of Japanese who committed suicide in their workplace due to working overloaded.
Moreover
, the metro police
city
 tends to have
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 cost of living, particularly in the accommodation.
Therefore
, many
people
 can afford to live only in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small apartments where no good facilities enough to help them relieve their
stress
 from work.
Hence
, it is very important for the government to invest heavily
building
Change preposition
in building
show examples
 large outdoor public spaces for
people
 so they can have
space
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure activities.
For instance
, New York
City
 is the most bustling
city
 in America and there are plenty of skyscrapers.
However
, there is a huge public
park
 call Central
park
 which located in
downtown
Correct article usage
the downtown
show examples
city
.
This
park
 has an astonishing view of greenery trees and
lake
Correct article usage
a lake
show examples
 that you can see from the windows of
building
Correct article usage
the building
show examples
 around the
park
.
This
 is why outdoor public
space
 may help
city
 dwellers to relieve their
stress
 because
people
 can go to
picnic
Add an article
a picnic
show examples
 in the
park
 and meet their friends after their work or exercise
such
 as jogging or running around the
park
 during their free time. In conclusion, I strongly agree that it is important for
cities
 and town to building large outdoor public
space
 to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good mental health for
people
 who live in
cities
.
Submitted by noppapat_k on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: