Large, international supermarkets are better for local communities than small, local shops. To what extent do you agree.

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Introduction
In towns and cities across the world, vast retail chains are steadily replacing the family-run shops that once served every neighbourhood.
While
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these chains undoubtedly bring lower prices and greater convenience, I largely disagree that they benefit local communities, because the economic gains they offer are outweighed by the loss of local livelihoods and the social ties that independent retailers sustain.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, the advantages of supermarkets are real. Their size allows them to buy in bulk and sell at prices that no independent grocer can match, which eases the pressure on households with limited budgets. A large family in Casablanca,
for instance
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, can fill a weekly basket at Marjane for considerably less than it would pay in a neighbourhood store. Closely linked to
this
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is the convenience of finding fresh food, clothing and electronics under one roof, so that a single trip replaces several errands. For busy working parents,
this
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saving of time is nearly as valuable as the saving of money.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, the price of these benefits is paid by the community itself. The most serious cost is the collapse of local commerce, since corner shops and market stalls cannot survive once customers move to a hypermarket on the edge of town. When they close, the money spent on groceries leaves the area and flows to shareholders abroad, rather than circulating among local families.
Moreover
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, local traders perform a social role that no retail giant can replicate. In Chefchaouen,
for example
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, elderly residents still rely on the grocer who knows their names, delivers to their doors and passes on news of the neighbourhood.
As a result
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, when
such
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businesses disappear, people lose not only a place to buy bread but a daily human contact that holds the community together.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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supermarkets offer cheaper goods and greater convenience, they drain wealth from the local economy and weaken the social bonds that independent retailers create. On balance, they serve consumers well but communities poorly.

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Task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you answer the full question. To make it even stronger, you could say more about why lower prices may help some local people in the long term, then show more fully why this does not change your main view.
Task response
Your main ideas are well explained: lower cost, ease, loss of jobs, loss of local money, and loss of human contact. Keep making sure that each point links back to the idea of a local community, not only to shoppers.
Task response
The examples from Casablanca and Chefchaouen are clear and fit your points well. In future essays, make sure each example is easy to understand for a reader who may not know the place.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a very clear path: opening view, one paragraph on the other side, one paragraph on your main view, and a short ending. This makes it very easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Your links between ideas work very well, such as “Admittedly”, “Nevertheless”, “Moreover”, and “As a result”. Do not add too many more linking words, as the writing already flows in a natural way.
Coherence and cohesion
The final sentence gives a strong, simple summary of your view. You could also repeat the key idea of local communities in the last line to make the link to the question even more direct.
Task response
You give a clear view: supermarkets help people buy goods, but they can harm the wider local area.
Task response
You explain both sides fairly before showing why you disagree. This gives the essay balance.
Task response
Your examples support your ideas well and do not feel random.
Coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one clear main job, so the reader can follow your argument with ease.
Coherence and cohesion
The move from the good side of supermarkets to the harm to local shops is smooth and clear.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending match well: both state that low cost and ease do not fully make up for the harm to local life.
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