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Band 5.5

Now days many mothers take care of the family and don't go out to work . Some people believe that they should be given salaries by the government . Do you agree or disagree?

#mothers #care #work #people #salaries #government
Recently , modernization and industrialization have been attended by
women
 and many of them intend to have a job . While taking care of the
families
 is the only target for other mothers which is argued that
governments
 should seem salaries for the
housework
women
 . I
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
 whit
this
 idea . In the following essay , the reasons for my agreement with
this
 opinion will be discussed . Nurturing more use full and beneficial
children
 in the future in societies would be the most power full reason for establishing income for
housework
 mothers.
Moreover
, a
mother
 as the
first
 and the most influential person in the people life plays a Kay role in
children
’s upbringing.
Furthermore
 , if the
women
 housekeepers achieve a salary , they will be encouraged to nurture their
children
 with more motivations.
For instance
 , a boy whose
mother
 is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
housework
 and passes more time with him at home , considerable subjects about life would be taught to him
additionally
 , he will have limited emotional problems
opposed
Change preposition
as opposed
show examples
 to a child that his
mother
 spends
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 times with him because of working out of
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
 .
Therefore
 ,imposing incomes for
female
Add an article
a female
the female
show examples
 who
preserve
Change the verb form
preserves
show examples
 their
families
instead
 of having a profession increases their determination to nurture more profitable
children
 in the countries future . The
second
 reason for taking a pension
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the mothers who are
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
housework
 from
governments
 would be the fact that many of
women
 have to stay at home and do not have a suitable situation to work out. Whilst, they have some financial needs. These kinds of
mother
 will not be able to solve their financial issues
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
unless they are supported by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 . As an example , a woman who is a single parent and takes care of her old parents and
children
 can not have a job. Obviously , she needs an income to pass her
families
 and her expenditure. So , if
governments
 do financial protection of
housework
 , they can improve their life and preserving of their
families
 will be comfortable . In conclusion , in my view , the more spend time with
children
 by
mother
 , the more use full people will nurture in societies.
Furthermore
, if
governments
 impose a pension for
female
Add an article
a female
the female
show examples
 who
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not any job and intend to keep their
families
 , the
children
 will have been more influential in countries by the
next
 10 years.
Also
 , financial conditions in their
families
 will be improved
Submitted by z.noori347 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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