IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into the work and get experience instead.Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #university #guarantee #job #work
Some
people
 think that taking a degree course is important to get a job more quickly, whilst others believe that graduation from
university
 is not needed for some types of
work
. Both points of view will be explored in
this
 article, and I believe the latter is more compelling. On the one hand, some
people
 feel that working after completing high school is preferable. Most employers look for employees with previous
work
 experience as those individuals have high
work
 productivity.
For example
, seasoned employees are more familiar with the team project, which can take more time to deal with for new workers.
Furthermore
,
people
 who
work
 in a specific area early in their careers may have a broad understanding of their tasks. In
this
 regard, they could be more successful in
practise
Replace the word
practice
show examples
 than
people
 who have never worked before. A
university
 education,
on the other hand
, is needed for
people
 to find
work
. Since certain employers need a certain level of college qualification, graduating from
university
 is advantageous when applying for a job.
For example
, the majority of IT employees are employed
due to
 their
university
 degree qualification.
Furthermore
,
university
 education benefits job seekers by encouraging them to expand their skills.
For example
, in a
work
 interview, they may use their expertise to respond to difficult questions, setting them apart from other interviewers who
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not have
such
 knowledge. In conclusion, some
people
 think that a
university
 degree is unnecessary because career experience helps
people
 transition to their jobs and perform efficiently,
while
 others believe that a
university
 education is important because some employers need
university
 graduates. Taking a
university
 course rather than working after high school, in my experience, is a better option. Secondary students should be motivated to attend
university
 in order to prepare for their future careers.
Submitted by joyulim320 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and provide more specific examples to support your points.
Task Achievement
You have effectively addressed the essay prompt by discussing both sides and providing your opinion. Make sure to provide more depth in your analysis to further enhance your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion
Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • specialized fields
  • job prospects
  • earning potential
  • formal education
  • networking opportunities
  • career advancement
  • practical skills
  • work environment
  • financial independence
  • high costs
  • skills and experience
  • formal education
  • prioritize
What to do next:
Look at other essays: