IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #festivals #periods
It is argued that the majority of people celebrate local festivals to boost up their emotions rather than to follow the
traditions
 of these celebrations. The idea that supports the public neglect the meaning of
traditions
 the fascinating one and one that I believe in. On the one hand, I support those who consider that
traditions
 are tending to decrease among the people. Due to the fact that community experience high tech industry,their brain is washed up by modern gadgets and integrate into the world.
For example
, a nuclear family in which is not discussed any topic, especially, customs is not aware of habitats and do not care about it.
Consequently
, it is going to be forgotten
further
. Another fact is supposed to be it is not taught in primary education.It would haunt their memory if these
traditions
 were taken as classes in schools.
On the other hand
,it is understandable why society considers that they realise when they do celebrations. Owing to the fact that people who live in rural areas and do not have connections with urban life devote to their customs and inherit them to youngsters.
For instance
, the mountains regions in which are lack modern communication are happy with their cultures.
Although
 they immigrate to other places they encourage rituals and try to involve and others.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 they succeed to integrate their local customs to different countries. To conclude,
although
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a community who rely on their
traditions
 while they celebrate them, mostly inhabitants just organise these celebrations only for having fun.
Submitted by mahiyakarim85 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: