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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that studying at university or collage is the best route to a successful career. While others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some individuals believe that studying at college or university is the best way to a successful career.
On the other hand
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, it is better to be employed after high school.
This
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 essay strongly agrees that it is better to find a good job because it gives more opportunities to be employed in a great job and
also
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 improves relationships between
students
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 and
companies
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. First and foremost, many people want to
work
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 in highly qualified
companies
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, and to do that, they study
in
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at
show examples
universities
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 because it gives them more opportunities to find jobs. It means that
universities
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gave
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have
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 good qualifications and diplomas. Because of that, they are increasing their chance of being good employees.
For instance
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,
universities
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such
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 as Nazarbaev University, where everyone can take qualifications for their professions.
Moreover
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, nowadays some
universities
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 have good partnerships with many workplaces. Because of that, they can recommend the
students
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 to
work
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 in those spaces. If a student has a good education and a great GPA, they can
work
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 for one month or more in a company, where
students
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 can develop their skills and increase their experience.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 prime example of
this
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 is a university called SDU. They can give recommendations to their best
students
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 to
work
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 for well-known
companies
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such
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 as Google, Yandex, Tesla, and Asus. In conclusion, after having
weighted
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weighed
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 everything mentioned
up
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apply
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, it can be said that many people cannot achieve a successful career if they
will
Verb problem
apply
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get
work
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 straight after graduation from high school rather than colleges and
universities
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 because of the opportunities of colleges and good partnerships with highly qualified
companies
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.

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task achievement
Work on developing arguments and ideas more comprehensively, providing ample reasoning for each point mentioned.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas within paragraphs and ensure smooth transitions between the different parts of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, both of which align with the main topic of discussion.
task achievement
Examples used in supporting arguments are relevant and effectively illustrate the points being made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialized curriculum
  • in-depth knowledge
  • competitive in the job market
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • broader perspective
  • global issues
  • networks and resources
  • career opportunities
  • practical experience
  • fast-paced industries
  • rapidly evolving industries
  • earning while learning
  • student debt
  • financial independence
  • hands-on experience
  • career advancement
  • work ethic
  • practical problem-solving skills
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