Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#believe #olympic #games #people #nations #olympics #wastes #money

In many

countries

, they spend their budget on sports to increase levels.

According to

this

, some

people

say that the purpose of the Olympic

games

is to bring

people

from different nations.

However

, others argue that the money should be used for other issues. The theme of

this

essay

are

Change the verb form

show examples

mention

Fix the infinitive

to mention

show examples

both views and my opinion that I strongly agree with spending on other problems. First of all,

people

who think that the Olympics bring different nations because they will be

Remove the article

apply

show examples

economic growth in the hosting country. There are abundant tourists from all over the world and the image of the hosting nation is up.

Due to

this

, many shops and companies could gain their profit.

Moreover

, citizens have

also

benefited from it.

For example

, for many tourists who come to host cities, residents help to promote their town or city.

However

, certain

people

say that it is useless to utilize it in the Olympic

games

. The main reason is that there are other problems

such

as medical problems or education. The amount of spending on international competition is huge and that money is beneficial for the limited

people

directly.

Furthermore

, it needs a lot of time to prepare for it but if it is difficult to hold, there will be a large loss.

For instance

, the Tokyo

Olympic

Fix the agreement mistake

Olympics

show examples

is delayed owing to the covid-19.

This

caused numerous losses. In conclusion, in my opinion, I personally believe that the merits of

games

cannot overcome the negative effects.

This

is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

it seems that most of the

countries

which have hosted the

games

are rich

countries

so the government needs to think of other ways that developing

countries

can

also

participate in it.

Submitted by dokmally2 on Sat May 15 2021

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Task Response

Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and provide a balanced discussion of both views. Support your ideas with more specific examples and connect your arguments more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

Improve the introduction and conclusion to better summarize your main points. Consider using transitional devices to enhance the flow of your essay.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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