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Writing Samples
Band 5

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think advantages are outweigh the disadvantages.

These days
people
Use synonyms
 are living a long age healthy
life
Use synonyms
 due to huge changes in
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
 field. I support
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 large extent. My position is argued
further
Linking Words
 with
explanation
Add an article
the explanation
show examples
. Health
play
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plays
show examples
 an essential role in human
life
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. In
this
Linking Words
 competitive era, medical care is developing day by day.
Government
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 spend
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of funds on medical care and research of new medicines. There are several advantages of it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, nowadays in all around world medical field has modern and high-tech
machineries
Change the wording
machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
show examples
 for
fight
Add an article
the fight
a fight
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 against all type of
disease
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such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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all types of cancer, stroke and infections.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
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Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 more focusing
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 that type of
disease
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 which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 spreading
with
Change preposition
at
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huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 speed in
people
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. Scientists
are
Change the verb form
also give
show examples
also
Linking Words
 give their best to find
vaccine
Add an article
a vaccine
show examples
 for that type of illness so as much as possible they can wipe
disease
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also
Linking Words
Government
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 has become
success
Add an article
a success
show examples
 to find
vaccine
Add an article
a vaccine
show examples
 for some
disease
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 which are more dangerous. For exemplify, 10
year
Change to a plural noun
years
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 ago,
Correct article usage
the polio
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polio virus
Correct your spelling
poliovirus
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 was spread in India because of that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
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 were dead but because of the vaccine of
it
Add a comma
,it
show examples
 they were
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 to wipe it in only 6 months.
In contrast
Linking Words
, it would not look
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 side too.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy is increasing but
opposite
Change preposition
on opposite
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 side there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of
nation
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the nation
a nation
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 are surviving with poverty.
People
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 live
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 that means they refuse to
retirement
Replace the word
retire
show examples
 from their duties and due to
this
Linking Words
 reason youngster could not find job or income sources. Youngsters become unemployed because old
people
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 have
hold
Change the verb form
held
show examples
 their position.
Government
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 and family should support old
people
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 and give them huge money to spend their old age.
Thus
Linking Words
 to conclude the discussion, it can be
finally
Linking Words
 said that
Government
Use synonyms
 and
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 field doing their best for nationality. I believe that old aged
people
Use synonyms
 should take retirement after some age of their work
life
Use synonyms
 and for
Add a comma
,them
show examples
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
Government
Use synonyms
 should provide sufficient facilities.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consequences
  • improved medical care
  • life expectancy
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • healthcare
  • quality of life
  • population
  • economic burden
  • elderly
  • dependency
  • technology
  • ethical concerns
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