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Writing Samples
Band 5

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think advantages are outweigh the disadvantages.

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy
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These days
people
Use synonyms
 are living a long age healthy
life
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 due to huge changes in
medical
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the medical
show examples
 field. I support
to
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apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement
with
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to
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 large extent. My position is argued
further
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 with
explanation
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the explanation
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. Health
play
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plays
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 an essential role in human
life
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. In
this
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 competitive era, medical care is developing day by day.
Government
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 spend
lot
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a lot
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 of funds on medical care and research of new medicines. There are several advantages of it.
Firstly
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, nowadays in all around world medical field has modern and high-tech
machineries
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machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
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 for
fight
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the fight
a fight
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 against all type of
disease
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such
Linking Words
 as
,
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apply
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all types of cancer, stroke and infections.
Secondly
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,
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Government
Correct article usage
the Government
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 more focusing
of
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on
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 that type of
disease
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 which
are
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is
show examples
 spreading
with
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at
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huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 speed in
people
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. Scientists
are
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also give
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also
Linking Words
 give their best to find
vaccine
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a vaccine
show examples
 for that type of illness so as much as possible they can wipe
disease
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also
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Government
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 has become
success
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a success
show examples
 to find
vaccine
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a vaccine
show examples
 for some
disease
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 which are more dangerous. For exemplify, 10
year
Change to a plural noun
years
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 ago,
Correct article usage
the polio
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polio virus
Correct your spelling
poliovirus
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 was spread in India because of that there
are
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is
show examples
number
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a number
the number
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 of
people
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 were dead but because of the vaccine of
it
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,it
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 they were
success
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successful
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 to wipe it in only 6 months.
In contrast
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, it would not look
other
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another
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 side too.
To begin
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with
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,with
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life
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 expectancy is increasing but
opposite
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on opposite
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 side there
are
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is
show examples
number
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a number
the number
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 of
nation
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the nation
a nation
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 are surviving with poverty.
People
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 live
long
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a long
show examples
life
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 that means they refuse to
retirement
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retire
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 from their duties and due to
this
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 reason youngster could not find job or income sources. Youngsters become unemployed because old
people
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 have
hold
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held
show examples
 their position.
Government
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 and family should support old
people
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 and give them huge money to spend their old age.
Thus
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 to conclude the discussion, it can be
finally
Linking Words
 said that
Government
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 and
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
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 field doing their best for nationality. I believe that old aged
people
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 should take retirement after some age of their work
life
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 and for
Add a comma
,them
show examples
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
Government
Use synonyms
 should provide sufficient facilities.
Submitted by shubhampatel19021 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consequences
  • improved medical care
  • life expectancy
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • healthcare
  • quality of life
  • population
  • economic burden
  • elderly
  • dependency
  • technology
  • ethical concerns
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