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Band 5.5

Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #purpose #education #society #individuals #ambitions
Having
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
 is a primary need and a right of every individual, even though they may have different objectives of
education
. Some think
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 degree can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in a good way, whilst others believe that it helps people to obtain their dreams. I completely agree with these two statements and will explain in
below
Correct article usage
the below
show examples
 paragraphs. On the one hand, the purpose of
education
 is not only about money and
position
, but
also
 is a part of support to those who need it.
Education
 can be a social changer for those who utilize it as a way of
contribution
Replace the word
contributing
show examples
 to the community.
For example
, some university students in Indonesia spend their one semester living in small villages in Indonesia to create a social project
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the local villagers and to help the locals using their knowledge to improve local villagers’ live. That’s why
education
 can be beneficial for society and
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 community.
On the other hand
, it is not a mistake if one’s purpose in getting
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
education
 is to achieve their ambitions in
position
Correct article usage
a position
show examples
 or in
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
. Some need higher
education
 to be promoted to a higher
position
 in a company or an organization.
For instance
, a civil servant in Indonesia cannot be promoted to
Add a hyphen
higher-level
show examples
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 level if they do not continue their study to
postgraduate
Correct article usage
a postgraduate
show examples
 degree.
Moreover
, it is popular that individual with high
education
earn
Change the verb form
earns
show examples
 more money. They are likely easy to place in a good
position
 in a good company with an outstanding
education
 background. To sum up,
although
 we need
education
Change the article
the education
show examples
 to be beneficial to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, have
education
Change the article
the education
show examples
 to achieve ambition is not a wrong idea.
Submitted by hanizachri on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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