IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to reset the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #leisure #time #activities #mind #word #puzzles #reset
Whilst a number of people believe that it is beneficial to train our
mind
 in our free time, whereas others have an opinion of giving complete
rest
 to our brain. Notwithstanding some merits of the former view, my opinion is that our brain occasionally needs complete
rest
 to
work
 efficiently. Explicated below are my perspectives on both the views and the basis for my belief.
To begin
 with, the contention that the more we train our
mind
 the better it will
work
 may have perceptible benefits of a sharp and swift thought process.
Nevertheless
, it lacks the conviction that overburdening will reduce the efficiency of our
mind
. To substantiate these, I would illustrate a well-known television show in which sleep-deprived contestants need to answer some general knowledge questions. The idea behind creating
such
 a game show is that a human
mind
 will not be able to focus and
work
 efficiently in absence of proper
rest
.
On the other hand
, the counterview has apparent benefits of a more relaxed and focussed brain. Having complete leisure time will promote creative ideas and will help in resetting the body. As an instance, in schools and academic
institutions
Add a comma
,institutions
show examples
 it is often advised to stand still and leave the
work
 in hand when an individual is not able to come to a solution.
Hence
, the case in point is it is vital to stop and do nothing in our free time.
Therefore
, I am of the opinion that occasionally one should let our body heal ourselves. In conclusion, having elucidated both the views
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the anecdotal evidence presented in support of my assertions, I would like to recommend that a complete
rest
 to our thought process is equally important to train
ourseleves
Correct your spelling
ourselves
 for the new skills and challenges.
Submitted by cjsvig on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: