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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the characteristic we are born will have many much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in life. To what extent do you agree with this?

#people #influence #personality #development #experiences #life
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Experience
Use synonyms
 is the best teacher. Nowadays, it is undoubtedly true that personality is of paramount influence in shaping
people
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's attitude. A growing number of
people
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 believe that these would have
greater
Add an article
a greater
show examples
 impact than valuable experiences on children's growth during their upbringing. I strongly agree with
this
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 and will give my reasons below.
To begin
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 with, the reason why I believe that basic traits provide a larger proportion in creating
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation's characteristic is
because
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that
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 they inherit their parent's gene.
In other words
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, they
posess
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possess
 the basic personalities and talents in their DNA's, which derived from their parents. Perhaps an outstanding example of
this
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 would be Naysila Mirdad, who categorised as
multi-talented
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a multi-talented
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 actress in Indonesia. In fact, her parents are currently
work
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working
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 in the film industry,
who
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whom
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 both of them are known as
successfull
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successful
 actress and actor.
Thus
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, it is obvious that
such
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 a gift are mainly from our family tree.
Moreover
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, it is almost impossible for
people
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 to change their original character by
such
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a
Change the article
an
show examples
experience
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. By and large, some
people
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 would find
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
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 to adapt
with
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to
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 new character which they obtained from personal
experience
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,
thus
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, they would remain the same. Take a bookworm as an example. Clearly, despite the fact that state-of-the-art technology enables us to
experience
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 a more convenient way to read through some free-access websites, they are unlikely to alter their habit from reading bulky books to electronic ones.
Hence
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,
this
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 what makes me believe that genetic characters
plays
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play
show examples
greater
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a greater
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 part in creating someone's personality. To sum up, as far as I am concerned, genetic influences take a major part in developing
millenials'
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millennials
 ability and character.
Thus
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, parents should polish their talents and teach them how to adapt
with
Change preposition
to
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positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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cahnge
Correct your spelling
change
 in the future. Without a good parental education on children, our young generations would eventually
experience
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 a poor upbringing.
Submitted by yuna160291 on

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