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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Promotions to a higher level should be made from within the company rather than appointing a new person from outside. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some people believe that
companies
Use synonyms
 should promote existing
employees
Use synonyms
 to senior positions rather than recruit new people from outside. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because current
employees
Use synonyms
 already possess valuable knowledge and experience of the company’s operations, and internal promotions can
also
Linking Words
 increase workforce motivation
Body paragraph 1
One major reason why
companies
Use synonyms
 should promote existing
employees
Use synonyms
 to higher positions is that they already have considerable knowledge and experience of their responsibilities and the company’s operations.
This
Linking Words
 awareness makes them more capable of handling their workload and dealing with workplace challenges.
Moreover
Linking Words
, since they are already familiar with company policies, clients and working procedures, they may require less training and can adapt to their new roles more quickly.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can make better decisions and avoid unnecessary mistakes
while
Linking Words
 performing their duties. Ultimately,
this
Linking Words
 can improve the company’s
overall
Linking Words
 efficiency and productivity, leading to greater profitability.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason why
companies
Use synonyms
 should promote existing
employees
Use synonyms
 is that
this
Linking Words
 practice can increase workers’ motivation. When
employees
Use synonyms
 know that their hard work and good performance may lead to promotion, they are more likely to put greater effort into their duties and remain committed to the company.
This
Linking Words
 increased motivation can encourage them to perform their tasks more effectively and consistently.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
overall
Linking Words
 quality of their work may improve, which can contribute to greater workplace efficiency. Ultimately, promoting
employees
Use synonyms
 from within can increase workforce productivity and contribute to the long-term success of the company.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly believe that
companies
Use synonyms
 should give preference to existing
employees
Use synonyms
 when filling higher-level positions. Their familiarity with business operations enables them to perform effectively,
while
Linking Words
 opportunities for internal promotion can motivate
employees
Use synonyms
 to work harder and contribute to greater organisational success.

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Task response
Your view is clear from start to end, and you give two good reasons. To make the answer stronger, add one short real or imagined work example. For example, show how a worker who knows key clients can do well in a new senior job.
Task response
You explain the good side of promotion from within well. You could also briefly note that an outside person may sometimes bring new ideas, then say why you still think current workers should come first. This would make your view more complete.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a very clear shape: opening, two main parts, and a closing. Each main part has one clear idea. Keep this good plan.
Coherence and cohesion
Your link words are used well, but some are repeated, especially “As a result” and “Ultimately”. Use a few other simple links, such as “Therefore”, “For this reason”, or “This means that”, to make the flow less same.
Coherence and cohesion
Some points say nearly the same thing: better work, more efficiency, and more productivity. Try to add a new detail after each point instead of restating the result.
Task response
You answer the question directly and keep a clear, strong view throughout the essay.
Task response
Your reasons are relevant: current workers know the company, and promotion can make people work harder.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly states your position, and the closing brings both main reasons together.
Coherence and cohesion
Each body part starts with a clear main idea and develops it in a logical order.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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