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Band 6

With growing populations in cities, more and more people live in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#populations #cities #people #homes #space #development
With
increase
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the increase
an increase
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 in urban masses, many
people
 reside in limited space not by choice but due to scarcity. There is hardly any scope for recreational
activities
, in
this
essay
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,essay
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 I will highlight some of the demerits of living in
large
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a large
show examples
 city.
To begin
 with, big
cities
 provide ample
of
Change preposition
apply
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opportunities in terms of job, ease of access to basic amenities & other social security measures.
This
 attracts many
people
 from rural areas which
Correct your spelling
in turn
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inturn
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in turn
show examples
 increases
burden
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the burden
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 on city infrastructure leaving no room for open land.
For instance
, in
last
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the last
show examples
 couple of decade major
cities
 in India have been
overly
Replace the word
over
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 populated and there has been
manifold
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a manifold
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 increase in migration of
people
 from small town to big
cities
.
This
add
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adds
show examples
 pressure on
city
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the city
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 administration to provide
shelther
Correct your spelling
shelter
 to all the
people
 by cutting down trees and farmlands.
Furthermore
, kids have
more
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a more
show examples
 vulnerable impact from
this
 as they tend to live in smaller space like flat. There
is
Change the verb form
are
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little
Correct quantifier usage
few
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 or no open parks for them to play and get involved in physical
activities
 which is crucial for their development. Many youngsters spend time on screen to compensate
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 outdoor
activities
. As per
latest
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the latest
a latest
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 study, on
an average small kids
Correct the article-noun agreement
average small kids
an average small kid
show examples
 spend daily three to four hours in front of either computer or mobile devices which
ulitmately
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ultimately
 have
negative
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a negative
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 impact on their eyes and brain.
As a result
,
youth
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the youth
a youth
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 of
todays'
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today's
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 generation has
tend
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tended
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 to gain weight and become lazy which affects their overall health. To summarise,
cities
 should
unquestionaly
Correct your spelling
unquestionably
 have open places for recreational and physical
activities
 which is a need of the hour. In order to avoid excessive burden on
cities
 administration should develop other small
cities
 and provide basic facilities
alongwith
Correct your spelling
along with
 job and security measures which will result in
decrease
Add an article
a decrease
show examples
 in migration of masses and ultimately benefitting larger towns.
Submitted by ankitpurohit1987 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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