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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#information #technology #people #work #workplace #e #g #home #mobility
These days a lot of
people
 can do their jobs from home, the place they travel, and so on because of developments in information technology. I believe the advantages of
this
 mobility outweigh the drawbacks.
To begin
 with, some
people
 say that remote
work
 will cause a lack of communication. They need to use phones or chat emails to talk with each other. It seems bothersome and sometimes it becomes more difficult to consult, convey, and manage someone.
As a result
, they misunderstand about
work
.
On the other hand
, there are more advantages to working from wherever
people
 like.
Firstly
, they can
reduse
Correct your spelling
reduce
 their commute
time
. There are a lot of Japanese who take
time
 over an hour to go to their workplace. If they can cut
this
time
, they can do more hobbies, house chores,etc.
In addition
,
people
 don’t need to use much
time
 to chat which is not related to their tasks. When
people
work
 in an office, generally, they have an amount of chat every day, which makes their relationship better. To tell the truth,
this
 is always their
work
 inefficient. When they
work
 outside their workplace, there is no need to care about their colleagues.
Thus
,
people
 can more concentrate on working. In conclusion, I believe that the benefits of working outside the workplace outweigh the disadvantages. But it is true that some companies have trouble communicating with employees
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when they do full remote
work
. It is
necesaryto
Correct your spelling
necessary to
 construct systems to make a comfortable job environment in which all working
peoplecan
Correct your spelling
people can
people
 have smooth communication without meeting directly.
Submitted by mayu1022.p on

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structure
Please ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your introduction successfully outlines your opinion, but try to provide a clearer overview of the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas are logically ordered. Using linking words (however, furthermore, for instance) more effectively can enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Develop your arguments with more detailed examples and explanations. While you provided some arguments and examples, more specific details and evidence would strengthen your task response.
language
Work on eliminating grammatical errors and enhancing vocabulary range. Aim to vary your sentence structures more and avoid repetition of words to make your essay more engaging and fluent.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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