IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

All education and healthcare should be funded by government and free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#education #healthcare #government
Healthcare and education
services
 are both essential
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of humans life.It is sometimes argued that
governments
 should provide these
services
 for everyone without paying fees.While I accept that poorer members really need
this
 type of free
services
,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 it does not mean that everybody can utilize them. On the one hand, I agree that every country should provide good healthcare as well as education
services
 for their citizens.Without adequate healthcare people of all ages can become sick and
also
, if doctors have not enough knowledge they will have difficulty treating patients.
As a result
, the number of patients will increase in the world.
Thus
,
governments
 should at least provide these amenities to necessitous citizens as soon as possible.In fact, if poorer inhabitants may get ill,they cannot afford
Fix the infinitive
to take
show examples
take
Change the form of the verb
taking
show examples
 care of themselves due to
another problems
Replace the adjective
another problem
other problems
show examples
 they have
such
 as supporting their families and the number of taxes.
On the other hand
, we may all wish for those vital facilities to be provided free of charge,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 some people do not understand that
governments
 spend
this
 income to build hospitals,schools as well as produce adequate medical
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 and medicine for us.
Additionally
,these
services
 and
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 take a great deal of money
therefore
,
governments
 need to obtain it from somewhere.Even though, countries allow these
services
 free for people, in
this
case
Add the comma(s)
,case
show examples
 they will increase
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of taxes.Owing to the fact that every activities and
services
Change to a singular noun
service
show examples
 based on each other and maintain
countrie's
Correct your spelling
countries
country's
 discipline. In conclusion,it seems clear that poorer members of our society need
this
 type of aid their life,while others should adapt to pay fees for
services
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because these incomes spend our benefits.
Submitted by sarvarovich98 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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