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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, young people move to cities leaving their homes in rural areas for work or study. What do you think are the reasons for it? Do you think advantages for moving to cities outweigh disadvantages?

#countries #people #move #cities #homes #areas #work #study
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Migration to developed
cities
 in order to find work or continue education is one common approach which has become common among
youngsters
 in the countryside.
This
 would occur
due to
 more
job
 opportunities or advanced universities and a plethora of
facilities
 which can be found in
cities
.
Although
 it could be argued that
this
 movement may have some drawbacks, I firmly believe that beneficial
points
 would overshadow negative
points
. Appealing to make progress is in the majority of
youngsters
' nature. they are highly ambitious and want to develop in their career constantly. Whether in
job
 issues or education, urban
areas
 appear to provide the best situation as there are many factories or several universities or colleges.
For example
, dwellers in rural
areas
 have to do dead-end jobs like farming and there is not any well-known university.
Moreover
, Most occupations in
cities
 could guarantee satisfactory salaries and remunerations or there is a chance to meet knowledgeable professors at famous universities. Apart from that, undoubtedly, the
facilities
 in
cities
 are far more than in villages.
For example
, medical care services in
cities
 are better than in rural
areas
.
Also
, shopping centres, recreational amenities or even important offices can be found in urban
areas
 , not rural ones. It is argued that the migration of young
people
 to
cities
 may have negative
points
. I admit that villages become isolated when
youngsters
 migrate to
cities
.
This
 may cause reducing workers and
as a result
, some activities like farming, may doomed to fail.
Furthermore
, when young
people
 come to
cities
, their parents remain alone and
this
, not only causes a sense of loneliness but
also
 reduces the accessibility to the parents , especially in emergency situations
such
 as illness.
However
, I think immigrating to
cities
 has more positive
points
. Young
people
 would be able to build an excellent life for themselves and there is an opportunity to meet efficient
people
 that can change
youngsters
' lives dramatically.
For example
, meeting a powerful entrepreneur or even a knowledgeable professor at a university.
Furthermore
, young
people
 can experience an easier life compared to their parents as they would benefit from equipment and
facilities
 like developed public transportation or online shopping.
Moreover
, I would claim that
youngsters
 in
cities
 may be happier than ones in rural
areas
 since many city residents have a sufficient amount of money to spend and they do not seem to be concerned about vital issues
such
 as medical care. All being said, young dwellers tend to migrate to
cities
 to fulfil their
job
 or education in order to different
job
 positions with good welfare and benefit from
facilities
 in urban
areas
.
Although
 it would be argued that
this
 is a negative approach, I wholeheartedly believe that the positive
points
 may outweigh the negative ones.
Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on

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task achievement
Ensure you avoid minor grammatical errors and typos, for example, 'this would occur due to more job opportunities or advanced universities and a plethora of facilities which can be found in cities' could be slightly refined for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Introduce linking words more frequently to ensure a smoother transition between ideas. For example, 'Therefore,' 'Consequently,' 'Moreover,' and 'As a result' can help enhance clarity and flow.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing reasons why young people move to cities and evaluating the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is well-organized. The introduction clearly states the topic, and the body paragraphs neatly cover relevant points with supporting examples. The conclusion summarizes the essay effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment opportunities
  • career growth
  • educational facilities
  • universities
  • technical colleges
  • specialized institutions
  • infrastructure
  • amenities
  • healthcare facilities
  • public transportation systems
  • cultural activities
  • recreational activities
  • cost of living
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • career advancement
  • government policies
  • mitigate downsides
What to do next:
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