IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the best to produce a happier society is to ensure that tere are only small differences between the richest and poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #tere #differences #members
Society
constitute
Change the verb form
constitutes
show examples
 of
group
Add an article
a group
the group
show examples
 of
people
 who lives together.
Although
nation
Correct article usage
a nation
show examples
 which is full of human beings are sorrowful, few human kinds things that the narrow
gap
 between the richest and the poorest citizens secure the happiness. For some rational reasons, I firmly disagree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the aforementioned statement. Both the relevant and justification is
act
Add an article
an act
the act
show examples
 and discussed in the paragraph. There are several reasons for me to completely disagree that
short
Correct article usage
the short
show examples
gap
 between
privileged
Correct article usage
the privileged
show examples
 and
underprivileged
Correct article usage
the underprivileged
show examples
 is not
rational
Add an article
a rational
show examples
 thing. To be more precise, if there will be equality
then
 no one will do work harder to compete
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other. Owing, to
this
 situation, they
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 differently and spend
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 standard of life together. Since
civilions
Correct your spelling
civilians
 ceased their work, their lifestyle has become sedentary.
Besides
this
, nation
suffer
Change the verb form
suffers
show examples
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 because of which they stopped doing or giving respect and
Correct your spelling
care
show examples
carr
Correct your spelling
care
show examples
 towards the surrounding.
However
; it is inevitable that only better earning do not provide happiness.To cite an example, a survey
was does
Change the verb form
was done
show examples
 by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 of India that 10%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 will be happy after narrowing the
gap
 of income between the wealthiest and poorest.
Hence
, only by improving the citizens well being
can
Add a comma
,can
show examples
 we built a harmonious society without more diseases. On contrary, some may
Correct your spelling
counterclaim
show examples
counter claim
Correct your spelling
counterclaim
show examples
 my viewpoints. The prime argument they
briing
Correct your spelling
bring
 on the surface that
people
 would be happier if
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 need
met
Change the verb form
to be met
meeting
show examples
, especially in health care, education, infrastructure and entertainment.
However
;
such
 essential things, are provided by the authority of the
government
, thereby one manages and
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a fair system to use the income taxes received equally.
Moreover
, good tax
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 contributed by rich and the poor
people
 would reduce the
gap
 and would make
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 happier.
For instance
, the wealthiest
people
 would pay higher tax and the least poverty
class less
Correct your spelling
classless
show examples
 amount. And, the
government
 should use that money to pay back for the benefits of
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 nation by giving free access to healthcare, education and entertainment. To recapitulate, I think that
government
 plays a vital role in controlling the public money bad helps society becomes happier by enhancing local tangible, not by cutting the salaries between the richest and poorest.
Submitted by ieltsspeaking760 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: