In modern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?
It has been observed that many
children
these days prefer to spend Use synonyms
time
with friends than their Use synonyms
parents
. Use synonyms
This
is because most modern Linking Words
parents
are so dedicated to achieving their career goals that they do not have adequate Use synonyms
time
with their Use synonyms
families
. Use synonyms
Although
it is crucial to have family bonding, I personally do not think that Linking Words
parents
should restrict their offspring to spending Use synonyms
time
only with them at home because Use synonyms
this
would limit their potential to become whoever they wish to be.
One of the main reasons why it is trending that adolescents are now spending more Linking Words
time
outdoors with their peers rather than with their Use synonyms
families
is that their Use synonyms
parents
choose to lead work-oriented lifestyles over those that are dedicated to Use synonyms
families
. When the amount of Use synonyms
time
spent with Use synonyms
families
is not proportionated with that spent on working, many Use synonyms
parents
fail to provide enough Use synonyms
time
to bond with their offspring, and Use synonyms
as a result
, Linking Words
children
turn to their friends to enjoy their free Use synonyms
time
. Use synonyms
For instance
, rather than staying indoors, many affluent Gen Z in Cambodia are usually seen hanging out at cafes or going to a movie with friends during the weekend.
Linking Words
Although
Linking Words
this
is the case, I personally do not think that Linking Words
children
should be forcefully banned from outdoor activities. Doing so would limit their freedom to explore the world and potentially hinder them from transforming into the person they want to be in the future. Use synonyms
For example
, many high school students in Thailand volunteer in various charity events in order to help the communities Linking Words
as well as
explore what they really want to do in life. I personally think that adolescents with Linking Words
this
kind of mindset would grow into well-rounded citizens, contributing significantly to their societies and their nation.
Linking Words
To conclude
, it is mainly because of the Linking Words
parents
’ busy working schedule which does not enable them to spend sufficient Use synonyms
time
with their offspring, resulting in them choosing to go out with their peers. Even though it is believed that Use synonyms
children
should stay home and bond with their Use synonyms
parents
, I do not think that it is right to keep Use synonyms
children
indoors all the Use synonyms
time
as exposing them to the outside world would enable them to achieve self-realisation, and in the end, are determined to attain their future goals.Use synonyms
Submitted by emteeme on
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task achievement
Your essay is very well-structured and presents a strong argument on both sides of the issue. To further enhance your Task Response, consider providing more diverse examples that encompass various cultural contexts.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure even smoother transitions between paragraphs by using more linking phrases. This will help maintain the flow and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
A minor detail: be careful with redundancy. For example, you used 'person' and 'people' in a somewhat repetitive manner in some instances.
coherence cohesion
Excellent introduction and conclusion, succinctly framing the essay and summarizing your points effectively.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples that effectively support your main points. This strengthens your argument considerably.
task achievement
Your ideas and arguments are clear and comprehensive, demonstrating a deep understanding of the topic.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.