In modern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?
It has been observed that many
children
these days prefer to spend time
with friends than their parents
. This
is because most modern parents
are so dedicated to achieving their career goals that they do not have adequate time
with their families
. Although
it is crucial to have family bonding, I personally do not think that parents
should restrict their offspring to spending time
only with them at home because this
would limit their potential to become whoever they wish to be.
One of the main reasons why it is trending that adolescents are now spending more time
outdoors with their peers rather than with their families
is that their parents
choose to lead work-oriented lifestyles over those that are dedicated to families
. When the amount of time
spent with families
is not proportionated with that spent on working, many parents
fail to provide enough time
to bond with their offspring, and as a result
, children
turn to their friends to enjoy their free time
. For instance
, rather than staying indoors, many affluent Gen Z in Cambodia are usually seen hanging out at cafes or going to a movie with friends during the weekend.
Although
this
is the case, I personally do not think that children
should be forcefully banned from outdoor activities. Doing so would limit their freedom to explore the world and potentially hinder them from transforming into the person they want to be in the future. For example
, many high school students in Thailand volunteer in various charity events in order to help the communities as well as
explore what they really want to do in life. I personally think that adolescents with this
kind of mindset would grow into well-rounded citizens, contributing significantly to their societies and their nation.
To conclude
, it is mainly because of the parents
’ busy working schedule which does not enable them to spend sufficient time
with their offspring, resulting in them choosing to go out with their peers. Even though it is believed that children
should stay home and bond with their parents
, I do not think that it is right to keep children
indoors all the time
as exposing them to the outside world would enable them to achieve self-realisation, and in the end, are determined to attain their future goals.Submitted by emteeme on
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task achievement
Your essay is very well-structured and presents a strong argument on both sides of the issue. To further enhance your Task Response, consider providing more diverse examples that encompass various cultural contexts.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure even smoother transitions between paragraphs by using more linking phrases. This will help maintain the flow and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
A minor detail: be careful with redundancy. For example, you used 'person' and 'people' in a somewhat repetitive manner in some instances.
coherence cohesion
Excellent introduction and conclusion, succinctly framing the essay and summarizing your points effectively.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples that effectively support your main points. This strengthens your argument considerably.
task achievement
Your ideas and arguments are clear and comprehensive, demonstrating a deep understanding of the topic.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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