IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people think that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career ,while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. discuss both views

#people #university #college #route #career #job #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
CONTROVERSY EXISTS WHETHER A SUCCESSFUL CAREER IS EARNED WHEN
ONE
Use synonyms
 PURSUE A TERTIARY
EDUCATION
Use synonyms
 LEVEL OR WHEN
ONE
Use synonyms
 FIND A JOB RIGHT AFTER SECONDARY
EDUCATION
Use synonyms
 COMPLETION. IN
THIS
Linking Words
 ESSAY, I WILL DISCUSS THE GIVEN PERSPECTIVE AND EXPLAIN WHY I SUPPORT THE FORMER VIEW. ON THE
ONE
Use synonyms
 HAND, THERE ARE SALIENT REASONS WHY FACTIONS ADVOCATE AFTER SCHOOL EMPLOYMENT FAVORABLE.
FIRSTLY
Linking Words
, THE EARLIEST A
PERSON
Use synonyms
 IS EMPLOYED, THE MORE
EXPERIENCE
Use synonyms
 THAT
PERSON
Use synonyms
 ACQUIRE. AND THE MORE JOB-RELATED
EXPERIENCE
Use synonyms
 AN EMPLOYEE HAVE THE MORE MARKETABLE AN
ONE
Use synonyms
 BECOMES TO PROSPECTIVE EMPLOYERS.
AS A RESULT
Linking Words
,
THIS
Linking Words
 GIVES A
PERSON
Use synonyms
 AN ADVANTAGE OVER THOSE WHO WILL HAVE TO COMPLETE A DEGREE FOR FOUR TO FIVE MORE YEARS.
SECONDLY
Linking Words
,
THIS
Linking Words
 INITIATIVE WOULD ALLOW THE STUDENT A TIME TO INTROSPECT HIS MOST DESIRED COURSE. TO EXEMPLIFY, I WORKED FOR A YEAR, AFTER GRADUATING
IN
Change preposition
FROM
show examples
 HIGH SCHOOL AS A MARKETING ASSISTANT, BEFORE I CAME TO CONCLUDE THAT MY SKILLS AND PERSONALITY WERE NOT CARVED FOR BUSINESS-RELATED JOBS, AND SO IN COLLEGE, I ENROLLED AND ENJOYED MY NURSING STUDENTS YEARS BEFORE I BECAME A SUCCESSFUL NURSE.
ON THE OTHER HAND
Linking Words
, TERTIARY
EDUCATION
Use synonyms
 COMPLETION IS UNDERSCORED BY SOME AS THE ULTIMATE KEY TO HAVING JOB PROSPECTS AND EVENTUAL HIGHER SOCIAL MOBILITY FOR SEVERAL REASONS. THE MOST PREDOMINANT
ONE
Use synonyms
 IS THAT UNIVERSITY
EDUCATION
Use synonyms
 DICTATES WHO ARE THE APPROPRIATE ONES WHO SHOULD GET EMPLOYMENT IN WHICH INDUSTRY.
THIS
Linking Words
 MEANS THAT
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 THE HIGHER EDUCATIONAL ATTAINMENT A
PERSON
Use synonyms
 HAS, THE HIGHER IS HER CHANCE TO BE IN A REALM OF HIGH PAYING JOBS.
FOR INSTANCE
Linking Words
, MEDICAL COURSES AND LAW STUDIES REQUIRE 8 TO YEARS OF TERTIARY SAPIENCY,
THUS
Linking Words
 THEY ARE ONES WHO GET TO HAVE THE LION'S SHARE IN TERMS OF PAYMENT AS OPPOSE TO THOSE WHO ONLY COMPLETED 3 TO 4 BACCALAUREATE DEGREE. WHAT IS MORE, IN TODAY'S COMPETITIVE WORLD, HAVING MANY
EXPERIENCE
Use synonyms
 IS NO LONGER ENOUGH.
INSTEAD
Linking Words
, A HIGHER LEVEL OF ERUDITION MATTERS. GONE ARE THE DAYS WHEN A
PERSON
Use synonyms
 CAN BECOME A PRACTITIONER NURSE AFTER WORKING IN A HEALTH INSTITUTION FOR A DECADE OR LESS.
INSTEAD
Linking Words
, A DIPLOMA IS REQUIRED WHICH SERVES AS AN EVIDENCE THAT A SET OF SKILL IS EARNED THEORETICALLY AND PRACTICALLY. TO CONCLUDE, IN MY OPINION, A HIGHER
EDUCATION
Use synonyms
 IS THE BEST WAY TO ASCEND
IN
Change preposition
TO
show examples
 THE ECONOMIC LADDER AS WE ARE NOW LIVING IN A VERY COMPETITIVE WORLD AND WHERE
EXPERIENCE
Use synonyms
 IS NO LONGER SUFFICIENT.
Submitted by titanesh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: