IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Schools should do more to teach students about their health and wellbeing. Do you agree or disagree?

#schools #students #health
Schools are the place where the moulding of
students
 take place. I'm of the view that teachers should teach
students
 more about their
health
 and well being.
To begin
 with, most of the universities have routinely taught the same curriculum all over again for decades. As noticed, the majority of it is not used in everyday life.
For example
, medical
students
 tend to solve complicated math problems, where in fact in real life they will not solve any mathematical issues but save the lives of the people.
Furthermore
, compressing all the stress and unnecessary workloads to the children will not give benefits to them.
In contrast
, schools should do more to teach
students
 about their
health
 and well being. It is not, or very rare, they talk about the
health
 and well being of the child. Teachers should teach
students
 how to maintain and cope if the problems come. Nowadays,
for instance
, most of the
students
 have inner problems due to school assignments, peer pressure, family, bullying and many more. Due to an unbalanced state of mind and unresolved issues, they tend to commit suicide. According to the latest survey, teenagers are the highest suicidal rate worldwide.
However
, there are so many ways to avoid these circumstances if only they learn them from school. There are some helpful groups where they can find it advantageous. In conclusion, universities should teach their
students
 the necessary subjects that are applicable to the real world and can benefit the
health
 and well being of each child.
Submitted by Nadz_nadz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: