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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine, Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
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State
funds
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 should be increased more for the
prevention
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 of health problems rather than for treatment and medicine. In my opinion, I agree that government funding ought to be increased in healthcare
prevention
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, as
this
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 will greatly benefit both individuals and society. A good reason to raise
funds
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 for
prevention
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 is that precaution gives
people
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, from all walks of life whether rich or poor, equal rights.
In other words
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, if preventive care services are not funded, a lot fewer
people
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 will have access to them because they are unable to pay for the service.
This
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 excludes a large proportion of society and is discriminatory which can be avoided by getting rid of healthcare fees. Another point to consider is that increased
funds
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 for healthcare precaution will benefit society in the long run, for the simple reason that more
prevention
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 means a more healthy population.
This
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 will result in decreasing the number of ill
people
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 and, as a consequence, the need for treatment and medicine.
For instance
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, there has been a high percentage reduction in the sale of cigarettes after the government launched the campaign where it decided to print on every single packet of cigarettes pictures of consequences of smoking in our body.
This
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 has helped both states and individuals to save money
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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otherwise
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 would have gone into treating illnesses related to smoking. In conclusion, I firmly believe that health is the greatest asset of a nation and that authorities should spend more on encouraging
prevention
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 as it will help
people
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 to stay healthy and to save money on medical bills.
Moreover
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, the cost of increased
funds
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 for
prevention
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 will be recovered many times over by the benefits
this
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 will bring.
Submitted by irenedemartini on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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