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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, young adults are engaged in some kinds of work. Some people regard this as completely wrong. Others consider it as a valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both views

In many countries, young
adults
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 are engaged in some kinds of
work
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. Some people regard
this
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 as completely wrong. Others consider it
as
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apply
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a valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both views Opinions are divided on whether young
adults
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 should engage in
work
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while
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 pursuing education or other activities.
While
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 there are valid arguments on both sides, I firmly believe that working can provide crucial
skills
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 and responsibilities that benefit young
adults
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 in the long term.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before reaching a conclusion. On the one hand, proponents of the view that young
adults
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 should not
work
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 argue that employment can distract them from their studies and other important life experiences.
This
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 stems from the fact that juggling
work
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 and education may lead to stress, fatigue and declining academic performance.
For instance
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, a student who works long hours may struggle to complete assignments or revise for exams, which can negatively affect future career prospects.
Consequently
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, some believe that young
adults
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 should dedicate their time entirely to learning and personal growth rather than engaging in paid employment.
Conversely
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, a growing number of people believe that engaging in
work
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 provides young
adults
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 with valuable experience and develops responsibility. They point out that
work
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 teaches time management, communication
skills
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 and financial independence, which are essential for adulthood.
For example
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, a teenager working part-time in a store often learns how to handle customers and manage money, lessons that cannot be gained in the classroom. I completely agree with
this
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 standpoint because these experiences equip young
adults
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 with practical
skills
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 and a sense of accountability that benefit their personal and professional lives in the future. In conclusion, despite the arguments that working may hinder academic performance, I am utterly convinced that employment offers invaluable lessons in responsibility, time management and life
skills
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. Ultimately, the benefits of
such
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 experiences far outweigh the potential drawbacks, considering part-time
work
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 as a meaningful activity. (286 words/ 40 min)

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improvement
Make a new paragraph for each main idea with a clear topic sentence that shows your view.
improvement
Add one real and clear example for each point with small details to show how this works.
improvement
Use more plain words and keep long phrases short so your idea is easy to follow.
structure
The essay has a clear view and plan.
cohesion
Link words help connect ideas well.
content
Both sides are shown and a view is given at the end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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