IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some high school students work part-time in addition to going to school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of high school students having part-time jobs? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Nobody would dispute the fact that youngsters should study at school or university.
However
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, it became more common for students to
task
Verb problem
take on
show examples
 part-time
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while
Check wording
work while
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 they are studying.In
this
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 essay, we will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working
in addition
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 to going to school. On the one hand, working
while
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 studying has a lot of advantages. I reckon that
this
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 is a good opportunity for students
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they can gain a lot of knowledge
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such
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, such
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 as working in a team and how the company works inside.
For instance
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,
while
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 I was studying in
school
Punctuation problem
school,
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 I decided to find a
job
Use synonyms
 in a software
engineer
Replace the word
engineering
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 company
and
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, and
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 it was very cool to
a
Verb problem
have a
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job
Use synonyms
 as an adult.
In addition
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, all
this
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 experience might help you in the future
and
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, and
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 I assume trying different jobs will help you to find the
job
Use synonyms
 that suits you and
what
Correct word choice
that
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 you will definitely like.
On the other hand
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, I believe that there are a few drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
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 working
in addition
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 to studying. I assume that you will probably have a lack of time
and
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, and
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 every day you will return home exhausted.
Moreover
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, it can affect your assessment
and
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, and
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 because of your
job
Use synonyms
, you just won't have time to do homework.
For instance
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,
while
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 I was working in that company, I started to spend less time studying
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
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 was reflected in my grades.
To sum up
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, it depends on
students
Correct article usage
the students
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 if they are able to withstand
such
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 a
load
Punctuation problem
load,
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then
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 they can work part-time. I think that youngsters should probably study
at
Change preposition
apply
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first and
then
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 find jobs.

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task response
Be very clear about your main point. State your view in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
coherence
Use 4 paragraphs: intro, 2 body sections, and a conclusion. This helps the flow.
task response
Give clear, specific examples. Tie each example to the point you make.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show order and contrast, like 'also', 'but', 'however', 'for example'.
coherence
The essay uses signposts like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to guide the reader.
task response
There is a clear two-sided view and a closing idea.
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