People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than their own benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #health #duty #society

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These days,

the

Correct article usage

apply

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medicine has been developed because of

recent

Add an article

the recent

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advance

Replace the word

advancement

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Change preposition

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technology.

This

Linking Words

has made it possible for more people to live healthier and longer.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it is

also

Linking Words

true that more individuals live unhealthy because of diseases

that

Linking Words

Change the verb form

are

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related to their idle life. In the following essay, I would argue whether individuals should stay healthy for

society

Use synonyms

or for their own advantages and state I tend to agree with the former.

First

Linking Words

of all, if people in

society

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are not in good physical condition, it leads to other citizens’ lives more difficult.

For example

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, in Japan, welfare accounts for the largest proportion of revenue and healthcare

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are

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around 40% of the total.

This

Linking Words

is a huge amount of money even now;

however

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

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if people do not live well and the number of patients increases, the tax that the government has to spend will raise. As a consequence, the tax rates will be increased. If

this

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happens, the individuals need to pay more for tax and it will harm them economically. To sum up, the citizens should make an effort to maintain their well-being for

society

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members.

Second

Linking Words

of all,

moreover

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, taking care of one’s condition to benefit themselves is actually good for

community

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the community

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. If citizens are in good condition, it means that they can engage in work without problems.

Consequently

Linking Words

, the productivity of

labour

Correct article usage

the labour

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force will increase and the social economy will run well.

Thus

Linking Words

, staying well for their own sake will ultimately benefit

society

Use synonyms

too. In my conclusion, I agree with the idea that healthy

life

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living

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should be maintained for

community

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the community

a community

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to not

Fix the infinitive

apply

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deteriorate other members.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, even though they try to benefit themselves, it

also

Linking Words

has

good

Add an article

a good

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impact on

society

Use synonyms

Submitted by dokmally2 on Sun May 23 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

duty
well-being
burden
healthcare systems
productive
economy
example
empower
informed choices

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People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than their own benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think foreign visitors should be charged more than local person when they visit the cultural and historical attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

. Some people believe that children should be involved in making their school\'s rules. Others say that only adults should make the school\'s rules. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

You have decided to leave your current job and look for a new one. Write a letter to a friend. In your letter explain why you want to leave your current job describe what kind of job you are looking for ask for some help or advice

It is important for travellers and business people to understand the cultures they come into contact with, however briefly, what are the main advantages of doing so? what do you think is the main disadvantage of not doing so?