People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than their own benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

medicine has been developed because of

recent

Add an article

the recent

show examples

advance

Replace the word

advancement

show examples

of

Change preposition

in

show examples

technology.

This

has made it possible for more people to live healthier and longer.

On the other hand

, it is

also

true that more individuals live unhealthy because of diseases

that

is

Change the verb form

are

show examples

related to their idle life. In the following essay, I would argue whether individuals should stay healthy for

society

or for their own advantages and state I tend to agree with the former.

First

of all, if people in

society

are not in good physical condition, it leads to other citizens’ lives more difficult.

For example

, in Japan, welfare accounts for the largest proportion of revenue and healthcare

is

Change the verb form

are

show examples

around 40% of the total.

This

is a huge amount of money even now;

however

,

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

if people do not live well and the number of patients increases, the tax that the government has to spend will raise. As a consequence, the tax rates will be increased. If

this

happens, the individuals need to pay more for tax and it will harm them economically. To sum up, the citizens should make an effort to maintain their well-being for

society

members.

Second

of all,

moreover

, taking care of one’s condition to benefit themselves is actually good for

community

Add an article

the community

show examples

. If citizens are in good condition, it means that they can engage in work without problems.

Consequently

, the productivity of

labour

Correct article usage

the labour

show examples

force will increase and the social economy will run well.

Thus

, staying well for their own sake will ultimately benefit

society

too. In my conclusion, I agree with the idea that healthy

life

Replace the word

living

show examples

should be maintained for

community

Add an article

the community

a community

show examples

to not

to

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

deteriorate other members.

Furthermore

, even though they try to benefit themselves, it

also

has

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

impact on

society

.