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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that violence on television an computergames has a damaging effect on the society. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computergames #effect #society
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Over a few years, harsh activities have
becoming
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become
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 increasingly prevalent among young generations. It is often said that
Use synonyms
violence
Replace the word
violent
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 action, which often broadcasted on television and
games
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 on the computer, presents
detrimetal
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 impacts for the
people
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. I completely agree since it could encourage young
people
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 to do illegal
actions
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to
Change preposition
against
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 their peers and society. The reason why I believe that
games
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 and broadcast which contains
violence
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 might have
adverse
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an adverse
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 effect for the
people
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 is
because
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that
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 it is can be
easily
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easy
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 to get mimicked by adolescents, who are encountered in a similar situation. Take action
games
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 as an example. Obviously, children would learn some self-defence by playing those
games
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, which is frequently abused.
As a result
Linking Words
, whenever
millenials
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Millenials
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 encounter disputes with their friends at school, they would end it by fighting each other. Another reason is
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violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
actions
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 exposed on visual entertainment devices could foster the
crime
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 rate of teenagers. By and large,
such
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crime
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 news aired on television
are
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is
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 likely to get accessed easier by young
people
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,
thus
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, they are likely to follow
actions
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 made by criminals. Perhaps a good example is
murder
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a murder
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, which considered
as
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a
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serius
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serious
crime
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. A study from the University of Indonesia said found that the majority reason why
people
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 in the young age category become killers shoplifters is
because
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that
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 they watch abusive
actions
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 on a TV serial.
Thus
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, if children are exposed
by
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to
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such
Linking Words
situation
Correct article usage
a situation
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, the rate of
crime
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 made by young
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 would eventually increase dramatically in the upcoming year. To sum up, as far as I am concerned, content which contains
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violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 activities has negative effects
to
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on
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 the citizen of a country. Those
,
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apply
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 undoubtedly would
enhace
Correct your spelling
enhance
 the chance of the young generation to act brutally with their friends and boost the rate of criminal activities in the nation.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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