IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

people coming to cities from rural places / is it good or not

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Population is one of the most controversial topics. It creates a
lot
Use synonyms
 of challenges when
people
Use synonyms
 in some
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
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 decide to migrate to the
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
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 from villages. I overwhelmingly
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that it has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant drawbacks. One of the most significant of
it
Correct pronoun usage
these
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 is the overcrowded environment. These
people
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 in order to find
the
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apply
show examples
better job opportunities change their current places to
the
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apply
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mega cities without considering the potential risks
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Such
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 as
,
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apply
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 lack of
the
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apply
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accessibility to the facilities for local
people
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, which
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 the level of satisfaction among
people
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 who are living in
such
Linking Words
 places.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it creates a diverse range of pollution for that specific
place
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particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
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 during
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
rush hours
of
Correct your spelling
or
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 traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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 that, not only
effects
Verb problem
affect
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 the quality of weather but
also
Linking Words
 produces a
lot
Use synonyms
 of noise pollution that significantly
destroy
Correct subject-verb agreement
destroys
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 the peace among residents. Let’s take
an
Correct article usage
the
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 example of cite,
where
Correct word choice
which
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have
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has
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such
Linking Words
 challenges but still
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 in its position. Another critical aspect of it is
the
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apply
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security which, is the first thing that completely
treat
Wrong verb form
treated
show examples
 by
such
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 conditions. In
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 where
people
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 seeking to find their basic needs and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cannot find
their
Change the word
a
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 job that
align
Change the verb form
aligns
show examples
 with their
preference
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preferences
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, they tend to participate in most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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illegal actions to
prepare
Verb problem
meet
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 their needs.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the
last
Linking Words
 survey that l read on
the
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apply
show examples
social media, most of these places strongly share fear and disappointment
between
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among
show examples
 their residents, which leads to
disrupting
Replace the word
disruption
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from
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of
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 their goals of upward mobility.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it shares the strong sense of anxiety for
people
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 increasingly that
people
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 may have to rethink
about
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apply
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their condition and
changing
Wrong verb form
change
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 the
place
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 that they really love
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and provides
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of belonging for them. Some groups argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it’s
the
Correct article usage
a
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 positive action and leads to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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the
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in the
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workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
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 in our cities to cover a
lot
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 of tasks. I completely reject
this
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 mindset.
while
Linking Words
 somehow it can be useful, the challenges of it should not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be overlooked. One of the biggest issues is demotivation,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 stops
people
Use synonyms
to work
Change preposition
from working
show examples
 hard to achieve
to
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apply
show examples
their goals, by knowing that there is someone to cover their roles. In conclusion, changing the
place
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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villages to
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 extremely powerful to create a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 if it
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 be controlled,

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to conclude your arguments clearly. Your conclusion is a bit abrupt and doesn't strongly encapsulate the main ideas discussed.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your paragraphs better, and ensure a clear transition from one idea to the next. This will improve both the logical flow and comprehension.
task achievement
There are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrases (e.g., "I overwhelmingly believed that"). Consider revising these to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, making your points more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and attempts to cover both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
You have introduced and concluded your essay, which helps frame the discussion even though the conclusion could be stronger.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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