people coming to cities from rural places / is it good or not

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Population is one of the most controversial topics. It creates a
lot
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of challenges when
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in some
counties
Correct your spelling
countries

The word counties doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
decide to migrate to the
cites
Correct your spelling
cities

The word cites doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
from villages. I overwhelmingly
believed
Wrong verb form
believe

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb believed. Consider changing it.

show examples
that it has
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
significant drawbacks. One of the most significant of
it
Correct pronoun usage
these

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
is the overcrowded environment. These
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in order to find
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
better job opportunities change their current places to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
mega cities without considering the potential risks
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
.
Such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that the comma after Such as is unnecessary. Consider removing it.

show examples
lack of
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
accessibility to the facilities for local
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, which
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces

It seems that the verb reduce does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
the level of satisfaction among
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who are living in
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

places.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it creates a diverse range of pollution for that specific
place
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter particularly during a rush hours of traffic jam that, not only effects the quality of weather but also produces a lot of noise pollution that significantly destroy the peace among residents. Consider adding the comma(s).

show examples
during
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun hours in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

show examples
rush hours
of
Correct your spelling
or

The word of doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams

It seems that jam may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
that, not only
effects
Verb problem
affect

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
the quality of weather but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

produces a
lot
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of noise pollution that significantly
destroy
Correct subject-verb agreement
destroys

It seems that the verb destroy does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
the peace among residents. Let’s take
an
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
example of cite,
where
Correct word choice
which

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has

It seems that the verb have does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

challenges but still
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains

It seems that the verb remain does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
in its position. Another critical aspect of it is
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
security which, is the first thing that completely
treat
Wrong verb form
treated

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb treat. Consider changing it.

show examples
by
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

conditions. In
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places

It seems that place may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
where
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

seeking to find their basic needs and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
cannot find
their
Change the word
a

The word their may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

show examples
job that
align
Change the verb form
aligns

The plural verb align does not appear to agree with the singular subject their job. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
with their
preference
Fix the agreement mistake
preferences

It seems that preference may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
, they tend to participate in most
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
illegal actions to
prepare
Verb problem
meet

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
their needs.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the
last
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

survey that l read on
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
social media, most of these places strongly share fear and disappointment
between
Change preposition
among

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
their residents, which leads to
disrupting
Replace the word
disruption

The word disrupting doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
from
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
their goals of upward mobility.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it shares the strong sense of anxiety for
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

increasingly that
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

may have to rethink
about
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
their condition and
changing
Wrong verb form
change

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb changing. Consider changing it.

show examples
the
place
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

that they really love
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
and provides
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
sense of belonging for them. Some groups argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
it’s
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
positive action and leads to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
the
Change preposition
in the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce

It seems that workforces may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
in our cities to cover a
lot
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of tasks. I completely reject
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

mindset.
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

somehow it can be useful, the challenges of it should not
to
Change the verb form
apply

The word to is usually unnecessary after the modal verb should not. Consider removing it.

show examples
be overlooked. One of the biggest issues is demotivation,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
stops
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to work
Change preposition
from working

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
hard to achieve
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
their goals, by knowing that there is someone to cover their roles. In conclusion, changing the
place
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
villages to
cites
Correct your spelling
cities

The word cites doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is

It seems that the verb are does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
extremely powerful to create a
lot
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage

It seems that damages may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
if it
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb could. Consider changing it.

show examples
be controlled,

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure to conclude your arguments clearly. Your conclusion is a bit abrupt and doesn't strongly encapsulate the main ideas discussed.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your paragraphs better, and ensure a clear transition from one idea to the next. This will improve both the logical flow and comprehension.
task achievement
There are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrases (e.g., "I overwhelmingly believed that"). Consider revising these to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, making your points more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and attempts to cover both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
You have introduced and concluded your essay, which helps frame the discussion even though the conclusion could be stronger.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: