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Band 5

Most people agree that money cannot be happines. Why is happiness difficult to find? How can people achieve happiness?

#people #money #happines #happiness
An increasing number of
people
 believe that
money
 and
happines
Correct your spelling
happiness
 can not be associate with each other. Happiness is a feeling that depends on the needs of an individual and
this
 make it difficult to define. There are
diversity
Replace the word
diverse
show examples
 ways
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
people
 can attain contentments. The issue of contentments is subjective and complex to determine
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because everybody has their own image and insight of it. And it depends on their thoughts and outlook.
For instance
, for some
people
Add a comma
,people
show examples
 the main source of happiness is
money
, because, they can meet the needs via it
such
 as expensive clothes, cars and high-quality house. They put
money
 over other things, whereas for some delight can be brought by having family, friends and relatives. There are a variety of ways that can help humans to be owners of exhilaration,
in other words
, doing hobbies
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 make them happy.
For instance
, there are a lot of actors who acquire
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 amount of
money
. It does not matter for them, because they enjoy their job and have a wish to express their imagination and ideas through the job. Despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 facts, there are some kinds of
people
 for whom salary is crucial,
that is
, if their income increases, it makes them satisfied and pleased.
However
, the rest
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 accomplish bliss by soul mates, making friends. In summary,
although
 there might be several factors to attain happiness, it depends on
people
's perception and feelings.
Submitted by sarvarovich98 on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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