IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce the crime is to gibe longer prison sentences. others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both the views and provide your opinion

#people #crime #gibe #prison #sentences #alternative
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people believe that
lengthier
Correct article usage
a lengthier
show examples
jail
Use synonyms
 period can reduce the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate. others,
on the contrary
Linking Words
, thinking that there are other methods
such
Linking Words
 as
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
 and education in
jail
Use synonyms
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 reduce
crime
Use synonyms
 in society. In my opinion,
longer
Add an article
the longer
a longer
show examples
prison
Use synonyms
sentence
Use synonyms
 can reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the views in forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, Others and I as well believe
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 period of
jail
Use synonyms
 after committing
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
 should be lengthier. When criminals stay in
prison
Use synonyms
 for
longer
Add an article
a longer
show examples
 duration of their
sentence
Use synonyms
 their mindset can be changed. They will realise their fault
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
 time and will not
crime
Use synonyms
 after release from
jail
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, In Norway,
Use synonyms
prison
Correct article usage
the prison
show examples
sentence
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any
crime
Use synonyms
 is
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
show examples
 of 15 years. With
this
Linking Words
, people of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 feel safe and
also
Linking Words
 there is less chance of again committing
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people think there are other ways
such
Linking Words
 as
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
 and education in
prison
Use synonyms
 to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
.
Rehabilitation
Use synonyms
 will calm criminals
mind
Use synonyms
 and they will quit the
crime
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some believe that when a person will educate and earn his bread
then
Linking Words
 there will no need to commit
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
. Government should
also
Linking Words
 provide some small loan to establish a small scale business so that everyone can earn
then
Linking Words
 there will no need to commit
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
. To conclude, In my opinion,
Lengthier
Add an article
a Lengthier
show examples
jail
Use synonyms
sentence
Use synonyms
 will help to change the offender's
mind
Use synonyms
. When a criminal
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 most of the part of his life in
jail
Use synonyms
 his
mind
Use synonyms
 will change.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other think
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
 and education can change the
criminals
Change to a genitive case
criminal's
criminals'
show examples
mind
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Rajwinder Kaur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: