Both poor and the rich find the accessibility into the university difficult. Do you agree or not?

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Today's juveniles claim that accessibility
into
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the university is difficult for everyone. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay, I will outline why I utterly disagree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma in a compound predicate. Consider removing it.

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and explain why I consider
more
Correct pronoun usage
it more

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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complicated for some than for others.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, rich individuals, indeed, are
completelly
Correct your spelling
completely

The word completelly is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

privileged, considering their education in private schools and other personal life aspects.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, most
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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social
Add an article
the social

The phrase most of social class may require the use of the article the. Consider inserting the before the noun in your sentence.

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class A and B students have both parents alive and together, and live in secure
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods

The spelling of neighborhoods is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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. As a
further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

matter, despite it might not influence
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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in accessibility
Correct your spelling
inaccessibility

The word in accessibility seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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in
Linking Words
Linking Words
first
Add an article
the first

The noun phrase first place seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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place, these factors determine directly
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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how poor people act before studying. Due to family setbacks, the great majority of class C and D kids are off of school,
thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they will not even have the chance to compete with others to be in a college.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, those ones who were not born with favourable money conditions and, even though, want to accomplish higher education status, have to face a society prejudgement, because of their bank account, which affluent individuals do not have to experience. In Brazil,
for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, for
each
Change the determiner
every

The determiner each may be incorrect in this context. Consider replacing it with a different determiner.

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ten students already inside a private university, two have to resort to scholarships programs due to the lack of financial conditions to maintain the studying.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, generally, unfortunate ones have to work aside with their courses to raise funds to pay the college bills, not studying exclusively as should happen.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it shows that, in spite of the fact that
accessibility
Replace the word
access

The word accessibility doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to university might be hard for both rich and poor people, it is harder clearly for underprivileged ones. To sum up, it is harder for people who do not relish
from
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a high monetary status to enter
in
Correct your spelling
an

The word in doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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academy
Add an article
the academy

The noun phrase academy seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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than
afortunate
Correct your spelling
fortunate
a fortunate

The word afortunate is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

individuals.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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