IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
Fast
Add a hyphen
Fast-food
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food
 chains are the most convenient store to order
food
. In other countries, it is noted to have a higher percentage of
people
 who suffered from
illnesses
 because of
this
. I certainly agree that government officials should put a higher
tax
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
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food
 restaurants.
To begin
 with, fast
food
 stores are everywhere.
Although
 it is known that processed foods are unhealthy, majority of the
people
 still order
dish
Add an article
a dish
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 from them.
For instance
, aside from being fastly prepared, it can be ordered at the
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
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 of your home.
This
 is one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 why there is an increasing number of
people
 who have
health
 problems and mostly morbid obesity.
Moreover
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the processed foods have
an unhealthy ingredients
Correct the article-noun agreement
unhealthy ingredients
an unhealthy ingredient
show examples
Correct your spelling
in order
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inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
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 to
preserved
Change the form of the verb
preserve
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 for a long period. When it cooked and started to ingest by
people
, all the preserved ingredients
is
Change the verb form
are
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 stacked in the body which cause obesity and other
illnesses
.
In addition
, due to
health
 reason, the government should impose a higher
tax
 on
this
 kind of
food
. For that, it may lessen the
health
 problems of the countries.
For example
, if
this
food
have
Change the verb form
has
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high
Correct article usage
a high
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tax
, more
people
 will prefer to cook
food
 at home rather than buying at
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
 restaurants. Like in gulf countries, their government put high taxes
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
 restaurants alone to decrease the obese population in their country.
Furthermore
,
illnesses
 will
be eliminate
Change the verb form
be eliminated
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 by eating healthy and
home cooked
Add a hyphen
home-cooked
show examples
food
. In conclusion, eating too much process
food
 can bring
health
 issues to one's body due to preserved ingredients added. And I certainly agree that local officials should impose higher
tax
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 to prevent
illnesses
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the community.
Submitted by Nadz_nadz on

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