IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some argue that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should perform in the place where they accomplished their training, while others think that they should be allowed to work freely where they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#argue #professionals #doctors #engineers #place #work
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Some individuals argue that
professionals
Use synonyms
 like doctors or engineers should perform in the
place
Use synonyms
 where they accomplished their training,
while
Linking Words
 others think that they should be allowed to work freely wherever they want to pursue.
Although
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 it is obligatory to serve the
country
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 where
professionals
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 are being trained,
this
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 essay agrees with the latter point of view as
this
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 leads to high-paid
job
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opportunities
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 and experience. On the one hand, it is considered that professional people owe a debt to their
country
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.
This
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 is to say that governments and
institutions
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 invest in
professionals
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’ training by facilitating them with technology, equipment, training centres, accommodation and all other basic requirements.
Therefore
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, it is ethically mandatory for them to serve their nation.
For example
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, Government
institutions
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 in Pakistan offer training to
professionals
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 at a low cost as compared to private
institutions
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 so they may get training easily and serve their
place
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 of origin.
However
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, I do not agree with
this
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 school of thought, as
professionals
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 cannot make more in doing so.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having the freedom to do work at any
place
Use synonyms
 enhances the
job
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opportunities
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 and work experience for
professionals
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.
This
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 is to say that working with other international
institutions
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 enhances the chances of jobs.
For instance
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,
job
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opportunities
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 for chemists and engineers are very low in Pakistan.
Therefore
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, they are to be allowed to earn their living in any other
country
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 to sharpen their skills.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 point of view.
To conclude
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, despite the fact that serving one’s own people and
country
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, pursuing a
job
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 at any other
place
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 enhances
opportunities
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 and helps improve skills for the future.
Submitted by durefishan4455 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks a coherent and logical structure which is vital for the reader to follow. To improve, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and follows a clear progression. Transition words should be used effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
While you have attempted to include an introduction and conclusion, they are not fully effective. Aim to have a clear thesis statement in your introduction and a summary of your main points in your conclusion. Your opinion should be clearly stated in both parts.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points in your essay are not sufficiently developed and supported. Aim to elaborate on each point with detailed explanations and examples. Use specific, relevant evidence to strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your response to the task is incomplete. While you have discussed both views, there is a lack of depth in analyzing these perspectives. Additionally, your own opinion is not clearly justified with reasons and examples. To improve, ensure that you fully explore each view and support your opinion comprehensively.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented in your essay lack clarity and comprehensiveness. Aim to express your points more clearly, avoiding vague statements. Ensure that each paragraph elaborates on a clear idea that is directly relevant to the task question.
Task Achievement
Your essay lacks relevant and specific examples to support the arguments made. To improve, include illustrative examples that are directly applicable to the points you're discussing. These examples should be detailed and directly support your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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