IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some believe it is important for cities and towns to invest heavily in building large outdoor public spaces. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#believe #cities #towns #spaces
Investing in constructing communal activity areas in urban space is useful, according to proponents.
Although
 it seems to be highly significant, there are other essential services are need to be funded;
therefore
, I totally disagree with funding to build entertainment facilities before basic amenities.
First
 and foremost, there are many vital sectors
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 require financial
assistances
Correct your spelling
assistance
show examples
 from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 department to support
basic
Correct article usage
the basic
show examples
 needs of
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
. Because of the aid, the people from below
poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
show examples
 line can improve
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 quality of their
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 dramatically. To illustrate, supports ranging from medical services, educational facilities, and different modes of transportations can warrant an uplift of their standard of life.
By contrast
, the
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
 class would remain
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
impoverishment
Replace the word
impoverished
show examples
.
Therefore
, it is vital to support than building public parks for enjoyment.
Moreover
,
instead
 of constructing city gardens or parks, the residents could be motivated to explore nature life can bring many benefits. Since
this
 initiative not only
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 reduce the authorities’ financial burden, but the
dwellers
Change to a genitive case
dweller's
show examples
 body gets sufficient amount of exercise
keep
Fix the infinitive
to keep
show examples
 them fit. If they confined to their surrounding for a prolonged period of time,
this
 could have damaged their both mental and physical health, so I personally, believe under no circumstances, should encourage spending money on entertainment facilities.
For example
, the authority can offer free bicycles to roam around which has been a proven method in Sweden. So it is better to allocate fund for key areas than for city developments. In conclusion, even though supporters of
Add an article
the
show examples
need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fun clubs have some tempting points, I firmly think that channelising towards the advancement of weaker sections could be far fruitful.
Submitted by Sal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: