IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Children today are under increased educational, social and commercial pressures. What are the causes and solutions?

#children #pressures
Adolescents in today’s world indeed face mounting pressure,
such
 as the need to achieve high grades at school and the urgency to achieve success in their careers. The changing social value is behind
this
 trend and it is important to help teenager build the right worldview. The media has a great influence on juvenile. youth have been taught to study hard since childhood. They are better than others. There is a great burden on them to spend hard Rich people are highly exposed, and they associate wealth with personal success .minor know that they have to get good grades and go to a good school before they can make money They have the strength to compare and outdo others. Society teaches them to show success with all kinds of consumption it's hard to follow your own book. Social competition is fierce, it is difficult to find a job, the youngster has strength.the gap between the rich and the poor is increasing, and the opportunity to improve social status is decreasing the teenager have known since childhood that they should study hard
For example
: do more homework and prepare for the exam.the increase in tuition fees, tutoring fees, and the cost of various books all put a strain on children. Parents and governments need to realize that kid is in the shaping stage, their behaviours are affected by their beliefs and values, which is related to social information society more publicizes those who have their own pursuit of life, who live a simple but happy life, do what they like, but not rich enough so that minor will not have stress to study well
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if talent is not academic. it is not necessarily a burden to be rich if you are not good at making money. It doesn't have to be consumed if it is environmental awareness In conclusion, I believe that the relentless squeeze experienced by juvenile stems from the emphasis on material wealth in society, and it is
therefore
 imperative to re-establish the value system.
Submitted by 1339232976 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: