Some people think that sport is very important for society. Others, however, argue that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.（重复2011 年老题）
These days,
sports
have become essential in our community, while
many people also
think it is nothing more vital than recreational activities. While
exercising consumes a lot of time and money, I believe that sport
still positively impacts our lives.
One significant thing to consider is that sport
is a unifier that can bring people from different ages and ethnicities to do exercises together. In other words
, sports
promote teamwork and bring social divides. That is
to say, these are a perfect way to unify a country that has many different cultures and tribes. For example
, the Indonesia National Football Team contains players from almost all provinces that have different skin colours and languages but can develop great unity while
playing football. However
, sports
can become one of the activities that will have a meaningful impact on society.
On the other hand
, it cannot be denied that the role of sport
is a hobby or recreation because sport
will release stress hormones from the body and bring happiness. Moreover
, the community usually choose to do a workout that they love or mastered, and it can be a single not partnership sport
. For example
, introverted person choose to do Yoga alone in their apartment rather than playing badminton with their friends. Consequently
, not all humans have the ability to do unity sports
, so not all sports
are overemphasized in society.
In conclusion, whether doing sport
is for social activity or recreation, it does not reduce the benefits of sport
for our healthiness. I think that someone should choose what kind of sport
they will do, so it still has an effective effect on personal or community.Submitted by dewintaputri23 on
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task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully. For both views, ensure you expand on the impacts or reasons why people may hold these beliefs about sport, providing more breadth and depth to your argument.
task achievement
Work on providing clearer topic sentences that guide the reader to the main idea of each paragraph. Make sure each topic sentence directly relates to the task at hand.
coherence and cohesion
Introduce more cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. While you've used some linking words, additional transitions and linking phrases could strengthen the connections between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure a clear progression of ideas throughout the paragraphs, without abrupt shifts or loosely connected points. This would enhance logical structure.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion encapsulate your main arguments clearly and concisely, with the conclusion summarizing your personal stance effectively.