IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #phones #school
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It is argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 using a mobile phone during the
school going
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school-going
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 age is not appropriate and should avoid where others believed the opposite. These ideas will be discussed and
eloborated
Correct your spelling
elaborated
further
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 in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, banning children
using
Change preposition
from using
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phones
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
during
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schoold
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school
schools
 days became a controversial topic among Asians due to the
increase
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increasing
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 number of teenage suicides. These cases are directly linking with
highest
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the highest
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 number of social media usage because of the high availability of mobile
phones
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 users. In
this
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scenario
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,scenario
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 parents tend to believe
imposing
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the imposing
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ban
Correct article usage
a ban
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to
Change preposition
on
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 mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 will be the only solution to make save their children from
this
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 tragedy. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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example, it is difficult to avoid
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
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children
show examples
 using them, because with the pandemic all the schools and institutes use online learning as their fundamental platform to conduct classes. Since everyone cannot afford a laptop,
parent
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the parent
a parent
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 will have to provide a mobile phone to children
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
inorder
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in order
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 to continue the studies.
this
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 makes them addicted to it due to the longer periods of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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usage.
Secondly
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, child psychology experts argive that, not giving a phone or mobile device to a child will make them feel isolated in their
geographycal
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geographical
 areas. Because connecting with global will expand their knowledge
immensly
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immensely
. To do that they need to access mobile devices which are
avaialble
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available
 affordably. For an instance,
now a days
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nowadays
show examples
 searching for
an information
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information
a piece of information
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 would be an interesting task with
the
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apply
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technology advancement, Due to
the
Correct determiner usage
this
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 reason, education evolved from
techer
Correct your spelling
teacher
 centric to
student centric
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student-centric
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 easily.
This
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 will be a plus point for a better future with
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 educated and
knowledgable
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knowledgeable
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 generation. By looking at the advantages and the opportunities available I believe that, society should not support
to
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apply
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the idea of banning mobile
phones
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 from teenagers. In conclusion, as always there are two sides
of
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to
show examples
 everything. Where some tend to
Correct your spelling
believe
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belive
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believe
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 and some hate.
Although
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 using mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 during the
school age
Add a hyphen
school-age
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 have multiple positive and negative factors, dealing
this
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 with a strong
stratergy
Correct your spelling
strategy
 will make
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everyone's
everyones
Change to a genitive case
everyone's
show examples
 life easy.
Submitted by ridmachathu90 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
What to do next:
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