IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In order to be successful at a sport, some think you must be physically strong while others believe mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#sport #think #strength
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, due to new research and technology, the improvement in today's
health
 sector has been increased.
As a result
, there is growth in the elderly population. Many
people
 argue that
this
 situation will be a burden on society.
However
, I believe the growing number of aged
people
 can be manageable because of
government
 plans for aged
people
. There is no doubt that doctors and researchers have done a great job in finding a cure for many incurable diseases.
For example
, cancer, many
people
 die due to
this
 disease but nowadays, cancer can be cured with advanced medicine and methods not only that because of the increasing number of the patient the number of
health
 care
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
also
 rose.
In addition
, the
government
also
 provides funds for the aged
people
 so they do not put a burden on society.
For instance
, in India, higher authorities provide
health
 funds for 60+
people
. The funds spent on
this
 service are actually the money these
people
 paid as taxes in their earlier working year.
Furthermore
, in today's date,
government
 and banks started many retired programs, where
people
 can start saving a small amount of money on a monthly or yearly basis. So
people
 do not have to be dependent on others in their retirement period.
For example
, recently Indian
government
 started RSP (retirement saving program) offered by many banks, where
people
 can save 500-5000 per month and can spend retirement life in enjoy. To recapitulate, the expenses of
health
 care
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 for elderly
people
 can be manageable by
government
 plans and programs and it would no be a burden on society.
Submitted by adizgaming.125 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: