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Band 5.5

Rich people are getting richer while poor people are getting poorer. Why is it happening ? What are its effects, and how it can be tackled ?

#people #effects
Income disparity between the affluent and non-affluent sections is increasing. An ineffective
education
system
 is responsible for the same, and owing to it, the crime is increasing, while the innovations are decreasing.
Moreover
, approaches to revamping the
education
system
 to mitigate
this
 problem are discussed ahead. Most schools are not imparting financial knowledge. Teachers are making their job-ready and not teaching about saving money, taking financial risks and making an investment for bigger profits.
For instance
, the concept of assets and liabilities is not a part of the formal
education
system
 till 11th grade.
Hence
, being unaware of effective money management techniques is making the poor even poorer. Lacking the right knowledge, poor people may indulge in some criminal activities. When they observe rich people enjoying luxuries, they could get lured by their lifestyle, and to be like them, some follow unfair means,
such
 as involving in robberies or thefts thereby, leading to an unsafe society.
Further
Add a comma
,Further
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 it leads to, lesser discoveries. Had wealth been distributed uniformly among all, everyone would have got an equal opportunity to put forward their ideas at every platform;
however
, fewer people participating in decision-making results in the slow progress of the society.
Nevertheless
, the afore-mentioned adverse effects can be reforming the schools’ curriculum.
Firstly
, by having financial management topics in primary classes poor children can
also
 acquire money management skills from the very beginning
; ,
Change the punctuation
;
,
show examples
additionally
Add a comma
,additionally
show examples
 they could be taught trading as well as negotiation skills by conducting regular make and sell events. Resultantly, children from economically weaker sections would become capable of climbing the economic ladder. In conclusion,
this
 essay has covered three aspects: the ineffective
system
 of schools resulting in the wealth gap; rise in law-breaking
besides
 fewer inventions from it; and ways to improve the
education
system
 to bridge the economic gap.
Submitted by gsingla730 on

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    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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