IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You eat in your college cafeteria everyday lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college manager . In your letter, •explain what you like about the cafeteria •say what is wrong with it •suggest how it could be improved

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Dear Sir, I am Sam and studied in your college of Business Department. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my concern about the cafeteria of our college and it requires certain improvements. No Doubt, the cafeteria serves
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of cuisines but I love the way of preparing
food
Use synonyms
 as they always make
food
Use synonyms
 by wearing gloves and covering their heads to protect the
food
Use synonyms
 from contamination. I really love their complimentary services.
For example
Linking Words
, If we order their healthy snacks
then
Linking Words
 they give free protein bars to students. The one thing which dissatisfied me is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the insufficient sitting area and the staff
also
Linking Words
. Sometimes, in the afternoon, we prefer to get the
food
Use synonyms
 from the cafeteria but we get the
food
Use synonyms
 after waiting so long. And the other thing is that we hardly get enough space to sit there.
This
Linking Words
 matter can be
sort
Wrong verb form
sorted
show examples
 out by hiring new staff and
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better plan
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the sitting area can
also
Linking Words
 encourage the students to spend quality time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hanging out with their friends. I hope you will consider
this
Linking Words
 idea worthy. I am eagerly awaiting a positive response from your side. Yours faithfully, Sam.

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Task Achievement
While you have a clear structure, consider adding more examples and details about your suggestions for improvement. This would strengthen your response to the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to maintain consistency in your tone; using 'No Doubt' is somewhat informal compared to the rest of your letter. Make sure all sections reflect a similar level of formality.
Task Achievement
You introduced your suggestions clearly and maintained a polite tone throughout your letter.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your compliments about the cafeteria and the way food is prepared are very specific and demonstrate appreciation, which adds a positive tone to your letter.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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