IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are eating healthy food and exercising regularly. What are the reasons for that? What can we do to make other people do the same?

The number of
people
Use synonyms
 adhering healthy diet and leading a physically active life is increasing. One of the major reasons is the fact that more individuals want to stay active
when
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 they get
old
Use the right word
older
show examples
. In order to attract more
people
Use synonyms
, the governments should decrease the cost of healthy
food
Use synonyms
 and more actively advertise different types of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
. Being a priceless resource, health is something that many want to keep as long as possible. Without it, it is almost impossible for anyone to live a happy life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the longer a person lives, the higher
chances
Correct article usage
the chances
show examples
 that diseases
emerge
Verb problem
will emerge
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is why more and more
people
Use synonyms
 nurture their
health
Punctuation problem
health,
show examples
 as it is the only known way to stay active and avoid many serious illnesses. A prime example would be Okinawa. A great number of citizens of
this
Linking Words
 city do not have health issues and tend to live more than 90 years because of the lifestyle they lead. To involve others, the governments can do a couple of things that might be effective in the short term and in the long term.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
lion
Check wording
lion's
show examples
 share of healthy
food
Use synonyms
 is expensive
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the price should be reduced.
This
Linking Words
 may not only increase the popularity but
also
Linking Words
 the availability of
such
Linking Words
 kind of products.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the banners and videos advertising alcohol and cigarettes should be replaced with photos of famous athletes from different sports and their achievements. By doing so, a person is likely to reconsider his or her eating habits and hobbies. In conclusion, the fact that more
people
Use synonyms
 want to stay active when getting older is one of the main reasons why an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 exercise regularly and eat healthy
food
Use synonyms
. The governments can attract more
people
Use synonyms
 by lowering the prices of healthy
food
Use synonyms
 and advertising
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Make each paragraph have one clear idea and a short line at the start to tell the reader what it is about.
clarity
Use short, clear sentences. If a sentence is long, break it in two.
evidence
Give real, simple examples and say how they show your point.
grammar
Watch grammar and form. Check plural s and verb forms.
cohesion
Use linking words like and, but, so, also to show how ideas fit.
structure
The essay shows a clear aim and a plan with an end.
structure
There is an introduction, two body parts and a conclusion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: